Zombie Apocalypse and Dogfish Head's Nobel Rot

 So I’m trapped in Yorktown, Virginia for a week long class I’m taking.  So in addition to catching up on some school work, I’m also catching up on some zombie movie watching.  I’m giving this particular movie its second chance.  I watched fifteen minutes of it on Netflix but the quality was lacking and I just couldn’t muscle through it.  But this time I can.  This time I have a secret weapon.  I have Dogfish Head’s Nobel Rot!!!  This is supposed to be a wild blend of beer and wine.  Now while I am fairly well read with beer art and science but I am a simpleton in the world of wine.  So I am going to limit my description of the beer to what the Dogfish Head website says and what my taste buds tell me.

The film is much better on DVD than on Netflix.  The black colors are blacker and everything is sharper.  Maybe it’s just my computer.  I have no idea.  Another reason for watching the DVD instead of streaming is the intro comic inside the DVD case.  I found it after I watched the movie and while unnecessary, it’s helpful in really understanding the movie.  There’s a certain raw badassness that reminds me of Ninjas vs. Zombies or Dead Moon Rising with better picture and audio quality.  It’s not Shawn of the Dead….but few things are.  The movie centers around an ex US Special Agent Dwight Miller (some sort of super dude position) who falls in love and marries a government scientist that is developing the ultimate biological weapon…ZOMBIES!!!!  His understudy, a powerful and quick agent codenamed “Net” turned the couple in for their prohibited relationship.  She was moved and he was on the run…until….Net lets the zombies out to kill Miller.  Miller escapes but so do the zombies.  What happens next is the end of the world.

I pull out the giant 750ml bottle and uncap it.  I have my special Belgian tulip glass just for beers like this.  Dogfish.com says that the beer is a Saison base with viognier grape must added.  The must (unfermented juice) has been infected with a fungus called botrytis.  This is supposed to reduce water content and magnify sweetness and complexity (as well as alcohol potential…POW!!!).  As if that’s not enough pinot gris grapes are added.  And not any pinot gris grapes these are special dropped fruit grapes.  As an expert (I watched the movie and read the book “A Good Year”) I can tell you that some of the grapes are clipped so that more juice and nutrients can get to the remaining grapes.  The result is a 9%abv 18IBU beer that just aches to be drunk.  Once again Dogfish Head does something creative and inspiring.  But, how does it taste?

It pours a effervescent crystal clear deep gold.  It reminds me of Duvell without that signature marshmallow mouse head.  Immediately I can smell the grapes.  There’s a tart and musty aroma with earthy and wine like finish.  I actually think I’m smelling a wine.  I can sense a bit of that Belgian yeast character but I actually wish there was a little more.  I am a little worried because I see a similar body and color to the Festina Peche, one of my least favorite beers ever.  If this has as much tart as that beer it will be a big and expensive drain pour.  First sip…..AWESOME!  It’s got a big white wine punch up front and it fades to a tart twist of grapes and tannic bitterness.  Its light bodied and pretty highly carbonated.  It dances on your tongue and leaves you with a smack.  You could feed this beer to your snobby wine friends that look down there nose at you and look them right in the eye as they shake in fear and nod with respect.  You will know you’ve won.  And life is all about winning.

Back to the movie.  Acting seemed to take a vacation for parts of this film.  To say that some of the acting was forced is like saying that Glen Beck isn’t particularly fond of liberals.  But actually works.  There is some cool camera work (think the getting ready for work montage in Shawn of the Dead).  And the resident badass, Miller, has a better tough guy voice then Christian Bale and Rorschach.  Some of the special effects were pretty terrible, like the several times where machetes are obviously being pinned between the zombie’s stomach and arm.  Or punches that are thrown way in front of people and zombies.  But despite some bad special effects and some spotty acting there are still several compelling parts of the movie and in the end it’s just plain fun.  The movie is part of this “kick ass and have fun” era of budget zombie movies that is still churning out new and interesting films every year.  Do you need to see this movie…NO.  Should you see this movie…..yea I guess….if you want…..shit I don’t care.   Was it good?  Yea?  I think so?  I think I’ll have to leave this post with more question marks????????

The Beer:

Aroma – 11/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 9/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore –3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

Tokyo Zombie and Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA

Hello again old friends. I'm officially in Seattle!  After a quick trip to Ikea for a new entertainment center and couch it was time to start again on my quest through my zombie movie library.  With two new editions to my collection i was beside myself in excitement.  My choice was the Japanese made Tokyo Zombie.  I've never seen the film but I've seen the DVD in Best Buy so it must be good....right?  As for the beer i think i need to explain a bit.  I'm still getting used to the fact that grocery stores in Washington also carry beer.  And not just your big brands either.  The PCC where i do my shopping has an impressive collection of craft beers to choose from.  I was able to pick up 2 six packs of New Belgium's beer (Ranger IPA and Belgian Tripel) for $6 each!!  Top that with some kind of Belgian/Scotch ale hybrid and a couple of 90 minute IPA's and i'm set for movie night!

The premise is pretty funny.  People throw all their junk (including dead bodies) in a landfill that eventually gets so large that it's the largest point in Tokyo, thus dubbed "Black Fuji".  Mix all those dead bodies with improperly disposed of industrial waste and BANGO! Zombies.  This is incredibly inconvenient for our two main characters.  A couple of friends with a large age difference, and a shared passion for jujitsu.  I'm not an expert on Japanese culture but here in the US of A the type of jujitsu they were practicing would be called foreplay.  Yes there is some homo erotic kind of thing going on with these two.  It's a very silly film.  It's with the flavor of Return of the Living Dead.  But, I enjoyed the first part of the movie.  Don't take it serious and it won't be too bad.  There is that strange Japanese wackiness.  For example a guy is burying his mother alive in Black Fuji as his girlfriend stands there taunting him.  Eventually the mother pisses her off and she kicks her head clean off.  Like i said.  Silly movie.  The best part of the movie is the lack of emotion shown by all actors.  It's intentional i'm sure.  The two main characters kill their boss and it's not a big deal.  Then zombies rise from the dead and it's not that big of a deal.  It's all old news for the Japanese i guess.

The beer is a favorite of mine.  I've bought a lot of $10 four packs of this beer over the years.  That was before it became a $12 four pack and then became unavailable in Alaska.  Ratebeer.com gives this beer a score of 100 overall with a 99 in the IIPA style category!!!!  That means it's awesome.  Let me explain how this beer is different for those of you that don't already know.  Normally an IPA is hopped 3 to 4 times in the brewing process.  Once for bittering, flavor, aroma, and sometimes dry hopping at the end for added aroma.  The Dogfish Head Owner/Head Brewer Sam Calagione continuously hopped his IPAs.  He started by using one of the old buzzing hockey games to drop tiny amounts of hops into the beer continuously throughout the entire boil.  This gives the beer a smooth bitterness unmatched in any other IPA ever made... anywhere......ever!  The beer is then fermented and before it goes into the bottle it's hit with yet more hops.  It's clocking in at 90 IBUs so it's bitter.  But it's smooth so you won't get that pucker like you would with something like Smuttynose's IPA.  I put this beer in my tall tulip like water glass (i still haven't unpacked my real beer glasses).  It pours a rich, crystal clear, caramel color.  It's a beautiful beer.  I usually think it's crappy that appearance counts at all in a beer rating.  I think flavor and aroma should be the only categories that matter.  But then again this beer is just gorgeous.  I have a one finger off white head that lets off an evident but not overwhelming sweet sticky hoppiness.  Citrus like all good American IPAs with just a hint of resiny pine.  There is a also caramel and toast in the nose.  The first sip is inspiring.  This is why we call it "Craft" beer.  This beer is where the science ends and the art begins.  Unique and original brewing techniques give this beer it's special signature.  The balance is perfect.  At 9% abv the rich malt pounds your tongue with caramel and toasted flavor while the hops bitter and balance it with citrus and a tang of lemons and a touch of mango.  It finishes creamy and smooth.  Die hard hop heads and those with weaker stomachs will both appreciate this beer.  If you have lived under a craft beer rock then go get this beer.

The movie progresses at break neck pace......sorta.  The zombies are all over Tokyo but our main characters have a ridicules dichotomy.  The one is the jujitsu master with good judgement and drive...the other is the bafoon.  The same character we've seen in American movies over and over.  He's the Ed of Japan.  Instead of getting necessary supplies when they stop at the store he gets a bunch of bags of chips.  He says he forgot the car keys in the building and when the entire time they were in the ignition.  He drives the wrong was on the highway for hours.  It's all there.  You think the movie is going to go in a predictable manner when BOOM!  Things get wierd.  Things turn into Land of the Dead where the rich had made a zombie free fort where they enslave the poor as their work force.  The fort is powered by a bunch of slaves squeezing hand grips attached to wires.  It's pretty funny.  But the rich need something to release their stress.  That's where things get even weirder.  There is a fight pit where slaves battle zombies to win money and possibly freedom.  But at first it's just people dressed as zombies.  Then they battle zombies who have retained their fighting ability.

I was raised by a generation of film and media that doesn't hit women.  We don't even slap anymore.  In a movie if a woman does something really evil then the man will just glare at her, or if it's really evil then another woman will take action.  Never the man though.  In the 70's and early 80's there was still some women slapping but always to calm down a hysterical woman.  I don't get why that ever worked.  But in the 70's slapping was the key to calmness.  Why is this relevant.  Because there is a scene in this movie where jujitsu master throws himself off a bridge because he has been bitten by a zombie.  The girl he got bit rescuing says something unsympathetic and the other guy sprints up to her and just clocks her.  Full fist!  I was shocked.  She gets revenge by calling him a "fucking retard" for the next five years.

Speaking of calling people a "fucking retard", the girl and the surviving karate guy (i'm not using names because it's all Japanese names and i can't remember them) live in the slave camp and have a five year old girl who doesn't talk.  The woman says it's because her husband is a, you guessed it, "fucking retard".  Well at the end of the movie as things are starting to resolve the little girl talks for the first time.  She asks her father....."Are you fucking retarded."  She says it over and over to various people she meets.  It's pretty awesome.

This movie jumps around and is just super silly.  It has the potential to be good be pretty good but if flops.  The biggest problem problem i have with this movie is one major mistake.  At one point the jujitsu master is bitten by a zombie but lucky for him the zombie had dentures so even though it broke the skin he wasn't infected.  WHAT!!! If the skin was broken (it was) then shouldn't the virus the zombies saliva have infected him.  Unless the virus is in the TEETH.  That' makes a lot of sense.  Sorry Japan.  Swing and a miss.


Until next time.

The Beer:

Aroma – 7/10

Appearance – 5/5

Taste – 10/10

Palate – 5/5 

   Overall – 18/20

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 2/5

Zombies – 2/5

  Overall – 2.5/5

Living a Zombie Dream and Dogfish Head Festina Peche

I wanted to just get it out of the way.  This is the worst movie i own, the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and quite possibly the worst movie in the world.  Honestly, i have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking of this movie.  My wife bought it for a penny (plus shipping) on e bay.  Anything you can buy for a penny is something that people are really trying to move. I tried to think of the shittiest beer i could find to have with it.  For me the worst beer I could think of comes from my favorite brewery.  Dogfish Head.  It makes sense to me.  If your going to go out on a limb and do some crazy stuff sooner or later you’re going to cross the line.  And cross the line they did.  Festina Peche!

I'll start with the beer.  I thought the flute would be the best glass for this beer.  It's a brilliant cloudy piss yellow with a tiny foamy white head that dissipates quickly.  The aroma is big notes of peach (as mentioned in the name) with notes of wheat toast.  I do not like fruit in my beer and this is no exception.  The first sip of this super tart, super sour peach mess makes me gag.  I force down the first sip.  It's highly carbonated.  This beer is bone dry and crisp like none I’ve ever tasted.  It's like sucking on a lemon.  The beer is thin at 4.5% abv and 8 IBUs.  No hop bitterness or flavor at all.  This is just a dried out peach mess.  It's supposed to quench thirst in the hot summer days and gently encourage appetite before big dinners.  I'll tell you what it does do....makes your stomach turn and induces long periods of delirium.  It had to happen sooner or later.  If you make enough award winning beers you’re going to make a giant turd bomb.  Sam Calagione this.....is your turn bomb.

Now that I’ve managed to swallow a couple of sips i feel like i might be able to start the movie.  The movie starts off with a weird déjà vu scene.  Get used to it because this movie is about 15 minutes of footage replayed as flashbacks for almost 90 minutes.  Our main character leaves his house where his girlfriend or wife is doing her nails in her robe.  This is important.  Remember that.  He sneaks over to some dude's house with a gun.  It's important to note at this point that the entire movie was shot with a handicam.  Something....something....devil worshiping???  Flash his wife is getting banged by some dude!  He sees them.  She's smacking this guy and getting dirty as her boyfriend goes crazy  in the other room.  It's not as crazy as you would expect.  He just kind of covers his ears and does this crazy eyes thing.  Maybe it was his greasy parted hair that drove him into the arms of another woman.  Maybe it was his splotchy complexion.  Whatever it was when he comes back in the two of them are sitting down and watching a static TV on opposite sides of the couch.  That's not obvious.

Now he's giving the guy a ride home?   It's his brother!!!  He's not really as upset as he should be.  Some people would go into a violent rage.  He just gets a little pouty face and kicks his brother out of the car.  He decides he will go back and give him a ride anyway but it's too late!!!!!  He's been clubbed by some dude in a loin cloth.  Honestly the next hour is flashbacks of the guy cutting his brothers guts open and flashbacks to his girlfriend banging some guy.  But in a Victorian English style dress.  And i don't know why but she's doing her makeup for the entire movie.  This is by far the biggest piece of shit movie i've ever seen.  I'm only watching it now in order to clear my conscience and give a clear and accurate warning to others.

Life is short.  A car wreck could kill you tomorrow.  Don't sell yourself short by wasting time watching this movie.  This is a life suck.  It's a waste of time, and a loss of hope.  This movie shouldn't exist.  There's only a few sentences of dialog every half our or so and the gore is so fake it's making me sad.  Sad that people spent months writing, filming, editing, and distributing this movie.  I'm also sad for the environment.  This DVD was created and shipped all the way to me, wasting precious resources.  I hate this movie more than anything.  Your welcome for saving you all the time.

The Beer:

Aroma – 4/10

Appearance – 3/5

Taste – 2/10

Palate – 1/5 

   Overall – 6/20

Total = 16/50

The Movie:

Production – 0/5

Plot – 0/5

Gore – 0/5

Zombies – 0/5

  Overall – 0/5