Quarantine 2 and Southern Tier's Oak Aged Unearthly Imperial IPA

 (While walking through the DVD section of a Barnes and Noble with my family)

Me: Oh wow!  I didn’t know Quarantine had a sequel!!!......and already on DVD?.....I didn’t hear about it going to theaters.

Wife:  Maybe because it’s too awesome for theaters.

Me:  I think I’m going to get it.

Wife:  How much is it?

(here I bend low to the bottom shelf to take a closer inspection of the sticker)

Me:  Holy shit TWENTY SIX dollars!!!!

Wife:  There’s always santa.

My son: Santa!  Oh I love Santa.  Santa’s always good.

Me:  Oh yea?

My son:  Yeah…Santa make me so….so…..SO happy!
Me:   Me too.......me too.

Three months later Santa came through like Regan for Iranian Hostages.  I had my two favorite gifts under the tree; zombie movies and beer!  There was a pair of sequels; REC 2 and Quarantine 2, oh joy!  It was a few weeks later before I found a free night to drink and watch the carnage by myself.  I sat down with a big bomber of an absolute favorite of mine, Southern Tier’s Unearthed Oak Aged Imperial IPA!

The movie begins and I’m immediately confused.  I expected this film to be done in the same fashion as the first one, but it’s not!  I expected a shaky hand held camera.  Instead they start off with a half shaky/half not transition to a normal shot movie?  It was like the director said “okay people are going to be expecting shaky so go ahead and don’t wear your camera straps and just sort of floppy floppy through the set for a while.”  The result…..terrible!  The acting is absolutely atrocious.  These people need to be taken out and shot.  Were these homeless people who acted for sandwiches?  Really people?  Really?  This movie is just patched together pieces of other movies?  It’s Flight of the Living Dead with a dash of Resident Evil: Degradation and a hint of every zombie movie you’ve ever seen before only worse.

The opening attack scene is the worst for me.  A big fat guy (always funny right?) gets bit by some lab rats in another passenger’s luggage.  During the flight he falls ill and eventually turns into a frothy mouthed maniac.  But in a most unbelievable manner the guy gets up and rushes the cockpit.  At which point it takes several people to restrain him.  Then he slams his face into a steward’s and she goes all coma on us and eventually gets infected (from a rage infected head butt?).  It’s so horrible and such a letdown that I find myself desperately grasping at the bottle beside me.  I need something to take the edge off this terrible movie and I need it quick.

Within seconds I have the top off of the Unearthly and I pour the clear copper/light brown liquid into my small snifter.  I dive in quickly.  I don’t even take the traditional first and second pre-sip smell.  Two gulps in and it hits me.  There’s a smooth but forceful bitterness that pokes at my tongue and slows my rate of swallow.  This is a sipping beer and it’s letting me know that.  The taste is unbelievable.  I’m hit all at once by the massive American hop burst.  It’s lemon grass and grapefruit, but with a pronounced malt background of caramel malts, vanilla, soft toasted oak and flowers.  The label says that it's 11% abv but fails to tell the exact IBU count.....shame.  The malts used are 2-row pale, cara-pils, and red wheat.  They added hops in 3 various stages; kettle hops (chinook & cascade), hop back (styrian golding), and dry hopped (cascade, centenial, & chinook).  I believe it because there is a LOT of hop flavor in this beer.  Now I take the time to properly smell this masterpiece.  It’s pleasant and not overpowering.  With some Imperial IPAs they really hit you, this one doesn’t.  It gently coaxes you into doing things you didn’t think you were comfortable doing….figuratively of course.  I take another sip and this time I pinpoint that delightful oak flutter.  That is the thread that really ties this beer together for me.  It’s slightly to moderately oily with nice resiny sticky pull.  There’s a bite at the back end of it.  The beer has medium carbonation and a slightly heavy mouthfeel that keeps you sipping and feeling satisfied.  I could drink this beer for dinner.  What a beauty.  I think I just drooled on my keyboard.

Back to this awful shit show of a movie.  Despite my best efforts to remain non biased I can’t help but let my disappointment leech into this review.  I expected more of Quarantine not a completely different movie with a variation of the original title.  The only thing that connects this film to the first is the main character who pretends to be an innocent passenger on the flight until he’s revealed as the man who started the virus in the first movie.  He was transporting the virus via his lab rats to be dispersed through the US.  The special effects are terrible and then they use terrible camera effects to try and pull off the same shit that other movies have.  Like when they’re going through the ducts using night vision (which for some reason shows grey scale) just like they did in 28 Weeks Later.  This movie is nothing more than a mosaic of all the movies that have come before it.  Don’t waste your money.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 43/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

Ninjas VS Zombies and Southern Tier Creme Brulee

I got a third straight night of zombie movies.  Lucky me and subsequetially.....lucky you.  It looks just terrible.  It reeks of sub par acting and bad CGI.  But the idea is so terrible, so stupid, so half drunk middle school sleepover that I must see it.  I went with what I can only imagine is another knock out beer from a kick ass brewery.  Southern Tier has cemented themselves in my top ten breweries in the country.  I think I've wrote before that if a brewery doesn't brew an imperial stout then they probably suck.  Here Southern Tier makes something like 4 or 5!  This looks like a serious dessert beer!

So the movie starts off by pissing me off.  This nerdy dude is holding a seance to bring back his dead brother.  Yes, the zombies are a result of magic.  There's reference to Dungeons and Dragons, and numerous poorly acted movie references.  Not only are the zombies a result of magic, but there's a king zombie that can talk, fight like a ninja, do magic, and control the zombies.  So Captain King Fucking Zombie (Eric) goes around eating people's souls (not the people themselves......just the soul) in the most corny and overacted way possible.  The movie drags for the first bit trying to do some character development.  Each person is unique in the way that they're all sort of the same and someone you think you might know.  The dialog is absolutely terrible.  But....it's sort of growing on me......and I sort of like it.  Things are starting to heat up and I'm warming up to this terrible movie.

So I pour the beer into the snifter and it's dark black.  It's thick and viscous and browns out at the edges.  It leaves a thick brown head that floats like melted marshmallows.  The first sniff is intoxicating!  I can't believe how much this smells like real Creme Brulee!!!  There's sweet vanilla and burnt sugar dripping over chocolaty notes and rich cream.  It's like your about to drink a gourmet milkshake.

 (Picture thanks to baranddrinker.com!)

The flavor matches.  It's smooth and creamy with a thick mouthfeel.  It's oily and slick and screams milkfat.  It's loaded with lactose that's for sure, giving it a sweetness that lingers long after your finished sipping.  Their is layer after layer of goodness here.  Vanilla and burnt sugar, layers of caramel and frothy cream, then your hit by the slightest acceptable bitterness and the coffee and chocolate notes from all that malt.  I also happened to have some 64% cacao nibs from our local chocolate shop.  The bitter of the chocolate mixed with the sweet of the beer to create a flavor more powerful than the both.  Don't buy Riesling or port wine.  Don't break out some dessert liquor.  Buy this beer and slap it in the fridge.  It can also be drizzled over high quality vanilla ice cream for a super beer treat.  This beer is one sided and not very drinkable.  But it's exactly what it means to be;  a cap at the end of the night, a finish to a holiday spend gorging yourself and watching football.  It's a beautiful beast and deserves all of our respect.

So the more I watch this movie the more I love it!  But, before I tell you why I love this movie let me tell you a little bit more about why I hate it.  The dialog is horrible.  Especially the guy who summons his brother.  I think his name in the movie was Randal but I think we should just call him wizard boy.  He's so terrible.  But it's so terrible it's awesome.  There's a lot of references to other movies; Army of darkness, Evil Dead, Star Wars, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just to name a few.  I hate the fake CGI fireballs that wizard boy and his brother king fucking zombie hurl at each other in the final battle scene.  I hate the way that king fucking zombie overacts every single line and every expression.  He comes off so cocky and talentless that it's hard not to hate him.  The fight scenes are terrible and soooo slow.  All that being said this is probably the BEST B rate zombie movie I own.  It's an all around instant favorite.  Why?  Because it's original, and it's funny.  It feels like you made the movie with a group of your friends and as you watch it your reliving the good times.  Unlike Living a Zombie Dream and I, Zombie which are so bad....they're terrible, this one is so bad......it's awesome!!!!  I would go ahead and say this should go on your must see list.  It's even got a squeal out "Ninjas Versus Vampires".  I am not a fan of vampire movies but i might have to make an exception for this one.

Even if you don't like imperial stouts and b rate horror (which i find hard to believe) you should still buy this beer and rent this movie.  Because even if you don't love it, in fact even if you hate it, i guarantee they will be unforgettable!

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 9/10

Total = 46/50

The Movie:

Production – 2/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 2/5

 Zombies – 2/5

  Overall – 2/5

Flight of the Living Dead and Southern Tier Jah*va

Southern Tier is the Rocky Balboa of breweries.  Located in Whogivesashit, NY this little giant is fighting against all odds to pump out their premium brew.  Just when you think they're going to get knocked the F out they come back and beat some Russian ass.  Years ago I tried a poorly handled Belgian Tripel I bought at a "shady as hell" Salisbury, MA liquor store.  I believe it was called XXX (not the Midnight Sun one).  It was at the beginning of my beer drinking days so I wasn't the polished uber nerd I am now.  However, checking the website there is no sign of it so maybe it was a onetime dud.  But that beer gave me a serious aversion to anything Southern Tier until I tried their Oak Aged Unearthed IIPA.  POW POW!  I was back against the ropes as sip after sip of sweet malt and unabashed hoppy flavor kicked my ass.  Southern Tier, TKO, you win.  Okay enough boxing references.

Here's a picture of the expanded brewerey.  They're pumping out more beer than ever trying to meet the high demand for thier product.  Unearthed and oak aged unearthed are worth the $10 all day long.

My wife has been craving Espresso Oak Aged Yeti for almost a year now but it's nowhere to be found.  As a substitute I grabbed Southern Tier's Jah*va Imperial Coffee Stout.  I poured us a couple of snifters and put on a zombie movie.  Flight of the Living Dead!  With her snifter 2/3 of the way full of thick black beauty she excused herself from the undead carnage that I was about to witness.  (She doesn't have the stomach for that much awesome).  I read through the label of the beer as the movie starts and I’m happy to see that they're using high grade Jamaican coffee roasted locally!  Now alcohol ranges depending on where you look.  I'm not going to dig the bottle out of the recycling but I believe it was 11%.  (The websites say anything from 10.8-12% depending on year).  It looks all of 12% with a deep black hue with a brown fluffy head that breathes deep roasted malts and tons of coffee.  This beer is highly aromatic with caramel and something like rich chocolate covered bacon (a hint of bacon).  I wish i had this beer as a scented candle, that's not weird is it?

This beer is perfect for this movie in the way that any strong beer would pair nicely with this movie.  You need to be a little liquored up to truly appreciate this movie.  The beer is so delicious and so strong that by the time I get through previews and credits I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm filled with the satisfying sloshing of a beer that is so good it brings tears to my eye.  It's full and rich and covers the tongue with its oily resins.  The flavor is powerful with bit hits of roasted coffee and caramel.  There's this little lingering bitterness at the end of each sip which is similar to a pat on the ass after a great play.  That a boy!  This beer is so malty you almost have to chew it.  And the alcohol warms on the way down and really settles the spirit.  I feel like I should be wearing a velvet robe next to a fire.  Buy this beer.

Here's a look at the zombie women of this movie!

There was really only one thing missing from this movie.  That's my friend the autopilot!

Flight of the Living Dead is one of the best straight to DVD zombie movies I own.  What an accolade to achieve.  "Best straight to DVD zombie movie".  It's got some decent actors Kristen Kerr looks like one of those women who's in other movies you've seen...but she's not...other than Old School.  Kevin J. O'connor was the brother in There Will Be Blood and also starred in one of my favorite films Deep Rising!  There's also that creepy guy from the Mummy.  He really gives me the creeps.

After snakes on a plane somebody had to release a spin off and zombies seemed like a reasonable alteration.  Changes snakes for zombies.....new movie?  Sort of.  A couple of

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 4/5 

  Overall – 4/5