The Devil’s Playground and Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus

Here is a film that looks absolutely amazing in the preview.  Just so you know there are two movies with the name “The Devil’s Playground”.  The easy way to tell which movie is the right one is to find the one that’s got a picture of an Amish girl smoking a cigarette on the cover…..and buy the other one.  It’s not the movie about revolting Amish youth.  It’s the movie about zombies.  It’s currently on Netflix “Watch Instantly” so hurry if you’re interested.  This film is English so it’s got a different feel to it.  It was dark and violent and very fast paced.  I decided to branch out from my normal IPA fetish to experience some other more tradition beer styles.  Here’s where I bring out a few bottles of Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus.  It’s a German Weizenbock!  Weizen is German for “wheat” and bock is “Ram”.  Not sure how ram has to do with beer.  Unless it’s so strong it feels like you’ve ban bashed by a Ram’s horns?  Maybe?

Anyway let’s do beer first and then the movie.  I’m usually not a big lager fan.  As I’m sure my readers have noticed through my choice of reviews.  Yes Rouge Imperial Pilsner, Smuttynose Maibock, and Sam Adams LongShot Dortmunder Export are a few exceptions but for the most part despite all my best effort I just can’t get into lagers.  I feel bad even saying that.  By saying I don’t like lagers I immediately exclude almost half of all the world’s beers (by number of styles not % of beer sold).  It’s with a strong resolve not to be so exclusive that I open the large 500ml bottle and pour into a tulip glass.  I’m not sure exactly what the proper glass for a weizenbock is.  I’ve seen doppelbocks served in mugs which might be traditional but for me they’re far from fitting for such a beer.  So tulip glass it is!  It pours a very rich deep dark brown.  It’s a bit cloudy with a two finger tan head that quickly falls and leaves no lacing.  There’s a strong malt aroma and what I can only describe as a hot alcohol smell.  It’s like pureed raisins and prunes.  It has a big dried fruit smell actually.  The taste is powerful.  There’s that dark fruity flavor with a rich wheat back.  There’s spice and a hint of liquorice and brown sugar in the slightly sweet finish.  It’s medium carbonated, and medium bodied but very chewy.  If what I explained to you sounds appealing….then good.  But to me it’s not good at all.  I’m sorry I hate dried fruit and this beer reeks of it.  And liquorice!  Why don’t you just punch me in the balls and call me Sally because that’s how I feel.  Beer Advocate puts this beer in the exceptional category…I put this beer in the exceptionally bad category!

The film on the other hand is in the exceptionally AMAZING category.  Film starts off from a security camera in a destroyed lab room?  This huge English dude is all busted up with broken glass sticking out of his face.  He’s talking to the security camera about his role in the apocalypse and his path to redemption.  I know I’ve seen this guy a million times.  IMDB shows that it’s the six foot three Craig Fairbrass.  He was in a ton of movies including The Bank Job and Cliffhanger!  In fact most of the people in this film are in other legit movies.  Dog Soldiers being the one that stands out to me.  Also I didn’t check the list of actors very closely before I hit play so I was surprised when I saw Danny Dyer in this movie!!!  He’s the guy from Doghouse that all the women love.  He’s hilarious and just plain awesome.  He’s the guy that rogers up to any horror movie they throw at him.  Zombies?  Sure.  Vampires? Sure.  Strange Russian Soldiers hiding out in a hillside?  Fuck yea!

The film goes through a trial of a new drug that will make people smarter, faster, more focused, and just all around awesome.  They give the trial to something like 20,000 people.  Everything is great until they start to have side effects.  First it’s bleeding, vomiting, the whole nine, then ultimately ZOMBIE!!!!  All accept one woman.  As she tries to escape the city Cole, a hardened hitman for the company that created the disease, tracks her down in hope that she holds the key to a cure.  There’s a sort of love story between the girl who’s immune and her cop husband/ex husband? who was put in jail for shooting a kid.  The real story of the incident comes to light in the final stages of the film.

There’s a lot of amazing things about this movie.  The actors were great and very believable, the gore was realistic, and the sets were new and refreshing.  But every zombie movie comes to a point where they need to decide what type of zombie they’re going to use.  This makes a big difference in every other aspect of the movie.  Because all the people were given a drug to make them superhumans they didn’t just turn into zombies….they turned into SUPER ZOMBIES!!!  This I wasn’t a huge fan of.  Zombies that can jump, climb, and run like Olympic athletes really tests what I feel is reasonable.  But in this case if you can overlook all that and focus on how well done the acting and the special effects are then you’re really going to enjoy this movie.  I know I did.

 

The Beer:

Aroma – 5/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 10/20

Palate – 2/5 

   Overall – 5/10

Total = 24/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore –5/5

 Zombies – 4/5

  Overall – 4.5/5

Zombies of Mass Destruction and Elysian Loser Pale Ale

Corporate movies suck!  Yes that's right.  I know it's hard to make big sweeping statements like that but for the most part it's true!  When you look at the powerhouse films of the zombie genre almost all of them are indie or low budget films.  Even 28 Days Later is considered relatively low budget.  In that spirit i decided to watch Zombies of Mass Destruction.  This political comedy takes low budget gore and a lot of well meaning enthusiasm and crams it into a feature film.  And what beer would I pair this indie gem with.......LOSER Pale Ale.  This beer, brewed by Elysian Brewing Company here in Seattle, is a strong, kick ass pale ale.  It's brewed as a tribute to Sub Pop Records (Nirvana anyone) who helped bring the underground to the mainstream (thus destroying the underground....a topic better covered by a blog other than this one).  I feel that this beer would be perfect mate for this movie and I'm seldom wrong.

I am not a huge fan of these horrorfest films.  The "8 films to die for" series is okay at best.  But then every once in a while a good one comes along.  This movie has a professional feel with decent production value!  Which is good because shaky camera and inaudible dialog gets old quick.  This movie is classified as a political comedy.  It's an hour and a half of fist shaking at the right wing conservatives and religious crazies, which is tough if you’re looking to pitch to a big audience.  They try and balance it out with a short blurb at the end to make fun of superlibs, but a one liner about liberals with guns doesn't exactly balance out an entire movie of elephant bashing.  I'm not complaining......I'm observing.  The film is pretty captivating with three separate sub stories combining into one hell of an indie film.

The first story is of this peaceful flower child who is running for Mayor against the incumbent, a polished conservative white male with a plastic smile.

The second story is of a first generation Iranian girl (Frita) and her adventures as post 9/11 Muslim.  Dark skin (check).....funny name (check).....terrorist (hmmmm)?  That's the haunting question this film will ask.

Story number three is a couple of big city gays (Tom and Lance) who go back to the island so Tom can come out of the closet to his mom.  Hilarity and a lot of oral servicing jokes result.  Apparently no fruit is too low hanging for the writers of this bad boy.

With a pop of a cap and a quick pour i am filled with this feeling of reassurance.  There's a soft warm hand on my shoulder letting me know everything is going to be okay.  That's what this beer is.  LOSER is anything but.  It's the biggest pale ale I’ve ever seen at 7% abv.  "Well isn't that an IPA zombiebrew?"  You are so ignorant.  I can't believe you're smart enough to plug in your computer never mind actually navigating the world wide web and actually READ something.  NO THIS IS NOT AN IPA!  Just taste it.  It's the most elegant and distinguished of all the pale ales.  Yes it's not in style but that doesn't make it any less of a pale ale.  Let me recreate my LOSER experience.

After a quick peak at the color of the beer in the bottle I pop the cap and take my first sneaky sniff to get those most volatile hop aromas (I'm going to start calling them hope aromas).  It's this fluttering flowery hop aroma with warm sweet baked bread.  I quickly pour into my Great Divide tulip glass and admire.  It's a full and bright orangey amber color with this thick light tan head softer than a baby's ass.  It's not overpowering like an IPA.  It's not a punch in the face........it's a closed door Asian massage.  It's got the sweet smell of orange, lemon, and warm caramel almost like a cow tail!  Then the taste just blows me away.  It's malt driven with a full and smooth mouth feel.  There's just enough bitterness to gently nudge you with a smile.  Those 57 IBUs must be all late addition hops.  The lingering sweetness is pleasant and 7% abv warms the bottom of the belly.  This beer was shocking as I have traditionally low expectations of Pale Ales.  It's a gateway beer to bigger and better things.  Unlike the brutal mouth assault of a Stone Ruination, Elysian's LOSER is a sweet candle lit love making with cuddling at the end.

The movie on the other hand is not as gentle.  There's wildly patriotic American men torturing 1st generation Iranian college girls, Priests with their own special rehabilitation (torture) to homosexuals, and weed whacker zombie carnage.  Honestly it's awesome.  As a recovering Catholic I found the church scenes especially funny.  The two hour services, the declaration of Unitarians as #1 on God's hit list, the intolerance of "the gays", and exercising the right to bear arms while in the lords house all tickled me.  Although, i can see how some people might not find it quite as funny.

The acting at times was sometimes really forced or really awkward.  Especially the scene where Frita is talking to her boyfriend in the car.  Not only is it not very believable (even for a zombie movie) but her boyfriend is just a horrific actor.  He is absolutely appalling.  But more upsetting than that is the awkward conversation between our two gay guys.  When Tom comes out of the closet he goes from terrified to tell his mom to yelling "I suck dick mom" in just a few seconds.  Not normal.

But acting aside this movie was fun.  Killing zombies with a weed whacker was gory and fun.  Frita's father's ability to rip a head off of a fresh zombie was ridicules but enjoyable.  And the boyfriend's face getting ripped off inspiring.  Well done.  But nothing says "I’m pushing all the boundaries" like killing children.  Zombies of Mass Destruction went there.  This little girl grabs Frita and Frita promises she'll be safe and she's going to take care of her.  Not two seconds later as they try to cross the street the little girl is hit by a speeding car sending everything be the arm Frita was holding flying out of the scene.  Now that shows some balls.  Don't worry, don't worry, the little girl comes back..........AS AN ARMLESS ZOMBIE!!!!!! HAAHAHAHAH

Overall I really enjoyed the movie and suggest it for anybody that finds it and as far as the beer goes, if you don't try it your depriving yourself of an hour of full bliss.  Sip with care.  Oh and Fuck ratebeer who only have them a 75 overall and a 66 in style.  You blow.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 5/5 

   Overall – 9/10

TOTAL= 45/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 3.5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  TOTAL – 3.5/5

Army of Darkness and New Belgium's 1554

Today is a very special day.  My blog has just reached 10,000 hits.  No small feat.  We’re not exactly failblog but we’re passionate about what we do here.  And by “we” I mean “I”.

Thank you for tuning in for part three of my series on Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead franchise.  The third one takes a wacky path away from the first.  It’s actually shot to be a standalone film and given a new title instead of the expected Evil Dead 3.  This is the big budget production for the masses instead of the previous two which were targeted at the small, but passionate, indie horror fan.  I will say that despite the fact that some of these movies that I review skirt the edges of the genre I put them in because they in some way belong.  This film does not.  I am filled with self doubt and disgust at the very idea of calling this a zombie movie.  You know what just through poltergeist in the list then!  Hellraiser was undead right?  Maybe I should review Death Becomes Her because I’m pretty damn sure that’s a zombie movie in some weird twisted way.  I digress.  The first two movies were more “demon resurrection” than zombie but I allowed them in, Army of Darkness…..does not belong in this list.  Except….IT’S AWESOME!!!  So I’m going to put it in anyway.

The beer tonight was a story much like love.  You never find it when you actively seek it out (Match.com would disagree) but as soon as you feel content and free love beer…ummm…LOVE..finds you!  There I was in the beer isle of QFC, looking for that six dollar six pack to get me through the weekend when I find something I’ve never seen before.  Great Scott!!!  It’s another New Belgium brew.  Since I’m a fan of the Belgians, especially the dark strongs, I decided it was worth a try.  There is a story behind the beer.  Much like Dogfish Head’s Midas Touch this beer was a recreation of a very old recipe.  Not as old as the pyramids…..but old.  Like 1554 old!  The original recipe was destroyed in a flood so the scientist and brewer flew to Belgium and worked through outdated units of measurement and many trial and errors before this beautiful beer was born.  Pick some up and enjoy!

So Army of Darkness starts out with a five minute recap of the entire Evil Dead 2 movie and before you know it Ash is in the middle of some medieval blood feud made worse by the constant lingering evil of the “Deadites”.  This movie is so corn you could eat it with butter.  It’s like watching Bruce Lee play chess.  Yea I’m sure he’s probably pretty good but that’s not what you pay to see Bruce Lee for!  There is a lot less blood in this movie.  With the exception of that blood explosion at The Pit!  But what this movie lacks in over the top gore it makes up in originality and fun.  In this movie Bruce Campbell takes “Ash” to the next level.  He gives the character this smug overconfidence that is over the top and comical and pairs it with a strange mix of cowardly and total badass.  Sometimes he’s screaming and running other times he’s unloading a no-look shotgun blast into a witch.  You never know what you’re going to get.

Let me talk about the beer before I get into the movie.  This beer is smaller than what I hoped for.  The website says it’s 5.6% but I could have sworn the bottle said it was a smidge higher.  It’s only got 21 IBUs which is not uncommonly low for a Belgian.  I usually pass by anything smaller than a double because some of the smaller Belgian beers I find too one dimensional.  I know a Belgian blond can be rich and complex but I find rarely more so than a good triple.  As I pour this baby out I must say I’m impressed.  It’s got a dense thick head that billows to the brim of my Sam Adams signature glass and a deep mahogany body with scarlet red notes when you lift it to the light.  It’s a gorgeous beer if there ever was one.  And it smells the way I want all women to smell; like a toasty (almost slightly burnt) chocolate biscuit.  I know call me crazy.  And I love my women (woman, I’m married) to have a lingering aroma of dark roasted coffee, maple syrup, and earthy English hops.  Hot damn!  There is that sweet bready slap of Belgian yeast that lets you know that you’re about to savor something special.  I do my ceremonial swirl, double sniff, and then dive in for a taste.  It’s got muted chocolate tones swirling with bready toasted malt and enough roasted malt to stand your tongue up on end.  There is a long pull of more roasted character that lingers in the aftertaste.  With only a medium to medium low body this beer is surprisingly flavorful.  It’s…”quaffable but uh…far from transcendent”, (Sideways quote).  This is a mighty fine beer that will be another fixture in my fridge.  It’s perfect for the warm summer nights that you still want a dark beer but you don’t want the heaviness.  This is a high volume beer.  I had to stop myself from steaming through the whole pack.

Back to the movie.  I’ll give it to you quick and dirty.  Ash needs to retrieve the book of the dead in order to get back to his own time.  He travels off as a hero and gets the book, but he does it incorrectly thus unleashing an army of the dead (the zombies?)  This army is mostly skeletons but I guess you could maybe call them zombies?  Like a whale is sort of like a fish?  Ash wants to take off now that he has the book and leave the townspeople to fend for themselves.  What will he do?   Will he stay and be a hero or will he transport himself back home while he still can?  If you haven’t seen the movie and I’m keeping you in suspense then you’ve dropped serious cool points.

Movie Highlights – Here we come to a segment I like to call Matt’s Movie Highlights.  Here we discuss the best parts of the film, be it a two second clip or an entire scene.  Here goes.

The Pit – Probably my favorite scene in the movie.  Right off the bat where the throw the first guy in and he turns into a blood geyser.  The part where Ash jumps up to catch (connect into) his chainsaw in midair is one of the greatest scenes in movie history.  Then Ash triumphantly emerges from the bit and goes on his Boom-Stick rant…..classic.

 The Witch – Ash yells out “Yo, she bitch! Let's go.”  had me rolling.  But, that wasn’t the part that made it great.  The greatness came when Ash delivered the backwards shotgun blast to put her down for good and then did that badass shake thing.

Groovy – Ash gets a robot hand, crushes a cup, says groovy.  It was much cooler than it sounds.

Schizophrenia - In this beauty Ash is confronted by his evil self.  He actually splits in two like an amoeba.  During the fight his evil self starts slapping him and acting silly saying "I'm BAD Ash, and you're GOOD Ash" and ranting on till good Ash puts the shotgun in his face and says "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun." Shit yea.  Always wanted to say that but as of yet haven't found the right time.

Then there’s a bunch of slaphappy humor that I’m not too big on.

Death Car – Ash takes his 1973 Oldsmobile and turns it into a steam powered death machine with a giant spinning blade.  It’s awesome to levels I didn’t think were achievable without mild altering substances.

Those are my favorites.  The movie as a standalone is very entertaining.  I hesitate to call it great because it was missing a lot of the gore and over the top violence that made me such a fan of the first two movies.  This film focused more on Three Stooges-esqe humor.  Not a fan.  Despite the great acting (I’m talk about Ash), fun characters, and fresh new plot I still only put it at the very good level.  I know there are many diehard fans out there who will disagree but I think there could have and should have been more.  I look forward to Evil Dead 4 as a hopeful tribute to the Evil Dead and not to Army of Darkness.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 42/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 2/5

 Zombies – 2/5 (i'm sorry but they weren't really zombies)

  Overall – 3.5/5