Helldriver and Ninkasi Sleigh'r

So I've finally gotten around to cleaning out those pesky porn links from my comment section (thank you spammers) and it's time to get underway with another review to open your eyes to something new.  I was looking for something over the top and watchable.  There are just those days where you can't watch another poorly acted, zero budget movies and today was one of those days.  I am watching a movie that I'm only mildly sure is in fact a zombie movie.  We shall see.  I'm pairing this mystery movie with a little Christmas beer, Ninkasi Brewery's Sleigh'r Dark Double Alt ale.

The movie starts off wild.  There are zombies.  But they're over the top strange Asian zombies.  Everything is exaggerated.  Instead of a zombie who's head and spine are coming slightly out of its body there is a zombie with a 15 foot spine that our hero pole dances before chopping the zombie's head off.  Pretty brilliant.  They've got the hook set and i don't even have the beer open.  They flashback to before the whole zombie thing happened.  Apparently our chain-sword (like a chainsaw sword i guess) wielding heroine was once a tortured and sad little girl.  Her mother and uncle (who happens to be a Japanese Nazi?) were evil.  Like chop up the husband/brother in law and make hamburgers out of his legs while he's still alive, that sort of evil.  Mom ends up getting hit with some sort of meteorite and gets turned into the super she zombie.  Mom ten rips out her daughters heart and puts it in her chest (don't get sad she gets a robot heart).  Before i get to into the weeds of this film let me start drinking.

The beer is very dark but not black.  A deep mahogany with red hues.  There's an off white head that dissipates.  There's a pleasant but not overly powerful aroma of toasted malts and warm oatmeal.  There's a little floral hops at the end and a little caramel maltiness that really is wonderful.  And the taste!!!  Boy I’m sure king Henry wouldn't have beheaded so many wives if he had more of this around.  It's great!  It's full but not overly heavy, sweet without being cloying or dessert like, and it's got just the right amount of hops to balance off this malty beast.  For a cheaper bomber this is one of the most drinkable and well crafted beers of its type.  When the occasion calls for a dark lager I’ll pass and instead grab one of these.  This will be an "always on hand" beer for sure.

For the movie i'll only talk about a few of the more memorable scenes.  There is a scene where a guy is able to sword fight a giant sword covered zombie with his pickup truck (that also has sword/spikes on it)  the truck looks like it's dancing at times.  It's a bit too much.

There's a pile of body parts that transforms into a stripper zombie with 4 sets of arms (all of which holding a sword and eventually M-16s) and tiny zombie baby hands coming out of her face.  This zombie walks around on the swords like a weird spider.....awesome.

The zombie car.  This is something i have never seen before and probably will never see again.  As the uncle chases his niece he catches different body parts that are cut off from surrounding zombies.  As the niece keeps hacking away at bodies uncle gets more parts until....duh duh daaaaaaa.....ZOMBIE CAR.  He's driving a car made up completely of body parts.  awesome.

There was one part where the mother queen zombie (who mind controls all the other zombies) creates a giant zombie monster made up of thousands of other zombies!!!!  As our heroine climbs to the final battle she encounters her uncle who throws zombie heads at her (the horns are explosive...did i not mention that?)  eventually the giant monster grabs a rocket and begins soaring to the zombie free side of Japan but really really there is just too much to do any of it justice.  There is so much awesome and extreme gore.  There's unique and innovative zombie deaths and even though I dislike a how much they deviate from the Romero model I was fully entertained and will definitely buy this movie.  Thank you Japan for blowing my mind.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 5/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 4/5

Versus and Pikop Andropov's Rushin'

This movie was one of those ones that calls to you.  I knew the basics, there were zombies and there was karate.  That was enough for me to cough up the $7 bucks for this DVD.  What can I say... I’m only a man......a weak man with a zombie fetish.  Actually don't like the word fetish.  I associate fetish with something negative and freakish but if that's what I’ve got........then it's not......it's awesome.  I will say I was a little bit nervous about a zombie karate movie.  I was fifty fifty on such movies (Tokyo Zombie = terrible, Ninjas vs. Zombies = awesome).  I decided to pair this movie with the incredibly UN-karate beer, Pikop Andropov's Rushin' Imperial Stout.  The beer is the result of my wife’s insatiable craving for thick, full bodied dark beers.  Thanks wife!

The movie starts out with some awesome samurai action!  I didn’t realize I would be in for a full hour and a half of Tarantino type gore and splatter.  Then the movie shifts to two escaped prisoners running through the woods.  One guy used to be chained to another but all that remains is his severed hand…..cool.  They get to this clearing where they’re met by a couple cars full of crazy….almost silly…Japanese mobsters?  The one prisoner gets angry at the mistreatment of a woman who the mobsters have kidnapped and brought there (it will all come together don’t worry).  Our prisoner hero rescues the girl and runs into the forest.  In the process prisoner #2 gets killed, but he comes back as a zombie!!!!  The mobsters are more intrigued than scared or concerned.  Because that makes sense.  They are in the Forest of Resurrection!

The mobsters take chase with the orders to keep them alive.  It’s only once they’re deep in the forest that they realize that all the bodies of the people those mobsters have killed are buried there in the Forest of Resurrection!  This means hundreds of zombies, some with guns, all of them awesome.  This whole middle section of the film mixes zombie horror flic (in the same vein as a Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead films) with full action shootout and gory slapstick comedy.  The main mobster minion eventually tries to kill off his boss and step up as the number one guy in charge.  The guy is a total goofball throughout the movie and at points is just plain exhausting to watch.  Needless to say the little coup did not work

As if things weren’t weird enough we add two new characters to the mix.  These are a couple of cops or correctional officers from the prison that our inmates escaped.  They’re extremely violent and bursting with this silly arrogance.  Lead cop makes the wildest claims like claiming to be trained by the FBI and able to dodge bullets with his reflexes, or being a world class tracker after being trained at Yellowstone National Park in Canada (it’s not actually in Canada).  At one point they run into some zombies and they eat the one guy’s hand.  He’s really annoyed.  Later in a fight he uses the jagged bone that’s sticking out to repeatedly stab a guy he’s fighting.  That’s hard core.

Now that I’ve got you all pumped up about a karate zombie movie let me move on to the beer for tonight.  It took me a little searching to figure out that the beer is made by Hale’s Ales, a famous Pacific Northwest Brewery.  This Russian Imperial Stout clocks in at 8% abv so it’s going to be big but not “knock you on your ass” big.  It pours black and pretty viscous.  There’s a decent finger and a half tan head that gently floats above the shallow sea of black chewy goodness.  The aroma is full of chocolate and dark roasted coffee with hints of smoky malt and caramel.  Lots of sharp roasted grain and a bready yeast round out the aroma.  I swirl and sniff again to make sure I have the full effect….i do.  The first sip is calming.  Despite the action on the screen in front of me, I’m at peace.  No amount of exploding heads or jumping bicycle kicks could break my trance.  I’m in the zone.  It’s full bodied, much more than I would have expected, and full of that same roasted flavor that I just smelled.  The medium carbonation tickles the tongue and allows the flavors to release and spread.  It’s complex with grainy malty backbone highlighted by a slight late hop bitterness sting.  It’s a really wonderful beer and well crafted.  It’s not too overpowering but plenty thick.  You almost have to chew it

This is a wildly entertaining film despite all of its silliness.  The “hero” character reminds me of a quieter more womanizing “El Wray” from Planet Terror.  It’s that “don’t give a shit” macho man that’s done way over the top.  It’s actually really cool.  And the villain is stone cold.  His lazy but focused stare is reminiscent of an Asian “Ice Man”.  The karate in this movie is well done.  Lots of fast packed action that makes you wonder if you’re watching a Jackie Chan movie……okay maybe a Jet Li movie.  They use 50 cal sniper rifles to liquefy people and there’s a fair amount of beheadings.  This movie is a must have for both Samurai movie fans and zombie movie fans.  It’s the chocolate vanilla twist of zombie movies.  Own it….before it owns you!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 7/10

Total = 40/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 5/5

 Zombies – 4/5

  Overall – 4/5