An Unusual Review and Elysian The Wise ESB

 The Zed Word was kind enough to put up a comment with a couple of very relevant short films with the combined theme of Zombies and Beer.  How perfect!  Elysian ESB just happened to be in my fridge for this impromptu review.

I'll admit I'm not as familiar with ESB's as i would like to be.  I've only drank 4 or 5 different kinds before.  That being said I love "the idea" of an ESB.  A pumped up version of the classic English ale.  The bitter was the beer of the people and i think I've always romanticized the beer a bit.  I open the bomber and pour it into a normal pint glass.  I figure this is probably the most appropriate glass.  It's a fairly dark amber color with a cream colored head that fizzles away after a few minutes leaving moderate lacing.  First sniffs are way more American than i expected.  It's The Ramones instead of the Sex Pistols.....similar, but different.  Instead of earthy and flowery I'm getting passion fruit and tangerine.  Not something i expected.  There is some biscuit malt aroma there but this beer hop leaning.  I believe we call that a pale ale instead of an ESB but i don't want to judge prematurely.  The first sip however is ESB.  Here is where the rubber meets the road.  There is a full earthy hop flavor mixed perfectly with a light husky maltiness.  This beer is well balanced with a medium low mouth feel and a clean finish.  I can see why the English are so damn classy.  This beer is better than the monkey exhibit at the zoo.  Overall this beer is very drinkable and very pleasing.  It's complex enough to satisfy the sophisticated tongue while being easy enough for a warm evening beverage.  If you haven't gotten a chance to try the Elysian beers your missing out.

Now for the short films.  Film #1 Keg of the Dead is an interesting take on zombies and frat houses.  Due to the fact i didn't attend a normal college i cannot attest to the accuracy of the fraternity members herein.  However i can attest to the accuracy of the zombies.  Pretty awesome.  For a low budget youtube video this is pretty sweet.  A pizza delivery guy goes to a frat house and delivers some pizzas but because he was late he doesn't get paid.  Wait wait wait.......oh no......zombies (for no reason!).  Pizza guy tries to fight them off and finds that beer kills them.  Do frat guys listen........noooooooooooooo they become zombie food, the whole time chanting "DELTA MASTER BETA" which strangely enough sounds like masturbator.  he he....masturbator....he he.  Geeky pizza guy packs the keg on his back and goes to town killing zombies.  End of movie.  Short...sweet....awesome....and something that seems achievable.  It was fun and i'm glad i saw it.

Film #2 Zombeer.  WOW.  Holy horshit batman.  I loved it.  I loved every second of it.  It's what short films were meant to be.  Short and to the point.  I'll sum it up in one sentence.

A fat guy falls into a brewing tank and not only becomes a zombie but also infects all of the beer that is shipped out.

How's that?  The effects were actually pretty good and the characters were funny.  I love when people just add a gaggle of Asians to a movie.  It could have been a gaggle of Australians or maybe Africans but instead for some reason Asians seem to be the ultimate tourist.  Just an observation.

The Beer:

Aroma – 7/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 7/10

Total = 37/50

The Movie (Keg of the Dead):

Production – 2/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

The Movie (Zombeer):

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 4/5

  Overall – 3.5/5

Beeradvocate the Unruly Tyrant

So yesterday I experienced the greatest amount of traffic in the history of my blog.  It was all due to the fact that I placed a post on Beeradvocate.com.  I love the site and I’ve used it for years.  I didn’t think there was any problem with me putting in a plug for my site.  I got lots of great replies and people seemed to like it.  But two hours later when I went to check on progress……..it was deleted!!!!  Part of me understands that using their site to promote my own could be seen as bad but there’s more to it than that.  If I was Ratebeer.com using beeradvocate to springboard then yes I get it bad bad bad.  But mine is a site that can live happily beside the still very relevant and super awesome beeradvocate.com.  The man can’t keep me down.  If you like the site then sign up as a follower and you’ll get a notification when there are new posts.

It's pretty sad that less than an hour on beeradvocate had that much of a spike.  I'm secretly plotting my revenge.  Feel free to comment with any good ideas you have for revenge.  They need to be firm but not overly illegal.

Zombies of Mass Destruction and Elysian Loser Pale Ale

Corporate movies suck!  Yes that's right.  I know it's hard to make big sweeping statements like that but for the most part it's true!  When you look at the powerhouse films of the zombie genre almost all of them are indie or low budget films.  Even 28 Days Later is considered relatively low budget.  In that spirit i decided to watch Zombies of Mass Destruction.  This political comedy takes low budget gore and a lot of well meaning enthusiasm and crams it into a feature film.  And what beer would I pair this indie gem with.......LOSER Pale Ale.  This beer, brewed by Elysian Brewing Company here in Seattle, is a strong, kick ass pale ale.  It's brewed as a tribute to Sub Pop Records (Nirvana anyone) who helped bring the underground to the mainstream (thus destroying the underground....a topic better covered by a blog other than this one).  I feel that this beer would be perfect mate for this movie and I'm seldom wrong.

I am not a huge fan of these horrorfest films.  The "8 films to die for" series is okay at best.  But then every once in a while a good one comes along.  This movie has a professional feel with decent production value!  Which is good because shaky camera and inaudible dialog gets old quick.  This movie is classified as a political comedy.  It's an hour and a half of fist shaking at the right wing conservatives and religious crazies, which is tough if you’re looking to pitch to a big audience.  They try and balance it out with a short blurb at the end to make fun of superlibs, but a one liner about liberals with guns doesn't exactly balance out an entire movie of elephant bashing.  I'm not complaining......I'm observing.  The film is pretty captivating with three separate sub stories combining into one hell of an indie film.

The first story is of this peaceful flower child who is running for Mayor against the incumbent, a polished conservative white male with a plastic smile.

The second story is of a first generation Iranian girl (Frita) and her adventures as post 9/11 Muslim.  Dark skin (check).....funny name (check).....terrorist (hmmmm)?  That's the haunting question this film will ask.

Story number three is a couple of big city gays (Tom and Lance) who go back to the island so Tom can come out of the closet to his mom.  Hilarity and a lot of oral servicing jokes result.  Apparently no fruit is too low hanging for the writers of this bad boy.

With a pop of a cap and a quick pour i am filled with this feeling of reassurance.  There's a soft warm hand on my shoulder letting me know everything is going to be okay.  That's what this beer is.  LOSER is anything but.  It's the biggest pale ale I’ve ever seen at 7% abv.  "Well isn't that an IPA zombiebrew?"  You are so ignorant.  I can't believe you're smart enough to plug in your computer never mind actually navigating the world wide web and actually READ something.  NO THIS IS NOT AN IPA!  Just taste it.  It's the most elegant and distinguished of all the pale ales.  Yes it's not in style but that doesn't make it any less of a pale ale.  Let me recreate my LOSER experience.

After a quick peak at the color of the beer in the bottle I pop the cap and take my first sneaky sniff to get those most volatile hop aromas (I'm going to start calling them hope aromas).  It's this fluttering flowery hop aroma with warm sweet baked bread.  I quickly pour into my Great Divide tulip glass and admire.  It's a full and bright orangey amber color with this thick light tan head softer than a baby's ass.  It's not overpowering like an IPA.  It's not a punch in the face........it's a closed door Asian massage.  It's got the sweet smell of orange, lemon, and warm caramel almost like a cow tail!  Then the taste just blows me away.  It's malt driven with a full and smooth mouth feel.  There's just enough bitterness to gently nudge you with a smile.  Those 57 IBUs must be all late addition hops.  The lingering sweetness is pleasant and 7% abv warms the bottom of the belly.  This beer was shocking as I have traditionally low expectations of Pale Ales.  It's a gateway beer to bigger and better things.  Unlike the brutal mouth assault of a Stone Ruination, Elysian's LOSER is a sweet candle lit love making with cuddling at the end.

The movie on the other hand is not as gentle.  There's wildly patriotic American men torturing 1st generation Iranian college girls, Priests with their own special rehabilitation (torture) to homosexuals, and weed whacker zombie carnage.  Honestly it's awesome.  As a recovering Catholic I found the church scenes especially funny.  The two hour services, the declaration of Unitarians as #1 on God's hit list, the intolerance of "the gays", and exercising the right to bear arms while in the lords house all tickled me.  Although, i can see how some people might not find it quite as funny.

The acting at times was sometimes really forced or really awkward.  Especially the scene where Frita is talking to her boyfriend in the car.  Not only is it not very believable (even for a zombie movie) but her boyfriend is just a horrific actor.  He is absolutely appalling.  But more upsetting than that is the awkward conversation between our two gay guys.  When Tom comes out of the closet he goes from terrified to tell his mom to yelling "I suck dick mom" in just a few seconds.  Not normal.

But acting aside this movie was fun.  Killing zombies with a weed whacker was gory and fun.  Frita's father's ability to rip a head off of a fresh zombie was ridicules but enjoyable.  And the boyfriend's face getting ripped off inspiring.  Well done.  But nothing says "I’m pushing all the boundaries" like killing children.  Zombies of Mass Destruction went there.  This little girl grabs Frita and Frita promises she'll be safe and she's going to take care of her.  Not two seconds later as they try to cross the street the little girl is hit by a speeding car sending everything be the arm Frita was holding flying out of the scene.  Now that shows some balls.  Don't worry, don't worry, the little girl comes back..........AS AN ARMLESS ZOMBIE!!!!!! HAAHAHAHAH

Overall I really enjoyed the movie and suggest it for anybody that finds it and as far as the beer goes, if you don't try it your depriving yourself of an hour of full bliss.  Sip with care.  Oh and Fuck ratebeer who only have them a 75 overall and a 66 in style.  You blow.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 5/5 

   Overall – 9/10

TOTAL= 45/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 3.5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  TOTAL – 3.5/5

Army of Darkness and New Belgium's 1554

Today is a very special day.  My blog has just reached 10,000 hits.  No small feat.  We’re not exactly failblog but we’re passionate about what we do here.  And by “we” I mean “I”.

Thank you for tuning in for part three of my series on Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead franchise.  The third one takes a wacky path away from the first.  It’s actually shot to be a standalone film and given a new title instead of the expected Evil Dead 3.  This is the big budget production for the masses instead of the previous two which were targeted at the small, but passionate, indie horror fan.  I will say that despite the fact that some of these movies that I review skirt the edges of the genre I put them in because they in some way belong.  This film does not.  I am filled with self doubt and disgust at the very idea of calling this a zombie movie.  You know what just through poltergeist in the list then!  Hellraiser was undead right?  Maybe I should review Death Becomes Her because I’m pretty damn sure that’s a zombie movie in some weird twisted way.  I digress.  The first two movies were more “demon resurrection” than zombie but I allowed them in, Army of Darkness…..does not belong in this list.  Except….IT’S AWESOME!!!  So I’m going to put it in anyway.

The beer tonight was a story much like love.  You never find it when you actively seek it out (Match.com would disagree) but as soon as you feel content and free love beer…ummm…LOVE..finds you!  There I was in the beer isle of QFC, looking for that six dollar six pack to get me through the weekend when I find something I’ve never seen before.  Great Scott!!!  It’s another New Belgium brew.  Since I’m a fan of the Belgians, especially the dark strongs, I decided it was worth a try.  There is a story behind the beer.  Much like Dogfish Head’s Midas Touch this beer was a recreation of a very old recipe.  Not as old as the pyramids…..but old.  Like 1554 old!  The original recipe was destroyed in a flood so the scientist and brewer flew to Belgium and worked through outdated units of measurement and many trial and errors before this beautiful beer was born.  Pick some up and enjoy!

So Army of Darkness starts out with a five minute recap of the entire Evil Dead 2 movie and before you know it Ash is in the middle of some medieval blood feud made worse by the constant lingering evil of the “Deadites”.  This movie is so corn you could eat it with butter.  It’s like watching Bruce Lee play chess.  Yea I’m sure he’s probably pretty good but that’s not what you pay to see Bruce Lee for!  There is a lot less blood in this movie.  With the exception of that blood explosion at The Pit!  But what this movie lacks in over the top gore it makes up in originality and fun.  In this movie Bruce Campbell takes “Ash” to the next level.  He gives the character this smug overconfidence that is over the top and comical and pairs it with a strange mix of cowardly and total badass.  Sometimes he’s screaming and running other times he’s unloading a no-look shotgun blast into a witch.  You never know what you’re going to get.

Let me talk about the beer before I get into the movie.  This beer is smaller than what I hoped for.  The website says it’s 5.6% but I could have sworn the bottle said it was a smidge higher.  It’s only got 21 IBUs which is not uncommonly low for a Belgian.  I usually pass by anything smaller than a double because some of the smaller Belgian beers I find too one dimensional.  I know a Belgian blond can be rich and complex but I find rarely more so than a good triple.  As I pour this baby out I must say I’m impressed.  It’s got a dense thick head that billows to the brim of my Sam Adams signature glass and a deep mahogany body with scarlet red notes when you lift it to the light.  It’s a gorgeous beer if there ever was one.  And it smells the way I want all women to smell; like a toasty (almost slightly burnt) chocolate biscuit.  I know call me crazy.  And I love my women (woman, I’m married) to have a lingering aroma of dark roasted coffee, maple syrup, and earthy English hops.  Hot damn!  There is that sweet bready slap of Belgian yeast that lets you know that you’re about to savor something special.  I do my ceremonial swirl, double sniff, and then dive in for a taste.  It’s got muted chocolate tones swirling with bready toasted malt and enough roasted malt to stand your tongue up on end.  There is a long pull of more roasted character that lingers in the aftertaste.  With only a medium to medium low body this beer is surprisingly flavorful.  It’s…”quaffable but uh…far from transcendent”, (Sideways quote).  This is a mighty fine beer that will be another fixture in my fridge.  It’s perfect for the warm summer nights that you still want a dark beer but you don’t want the heaviness.  This is a high volume beer.  I had to stop myself from steaming through the whole pack.

Back to the movie.  I’ll give it to you quick and dirty.  Ash needs to retrieve the book of the dead in order to get back to his own time.  He travels off as a hero and gets the book, but he does it incorrectly thus unleashing an army of the dead (the zombies?)  This army is mostly skeletons but I guess you could maybe call them zombies?  Like a whale is sort of like a fish?  Ash wants to take off now that he has the book and leave the townspeople to fend for themselves.  What will he do?   Will he stay and be a hero or will he transport himself back home while he still can?  If you haven’t seen the movie and I’m keeping you in suspense then you’ve dropped serious cool points.

Movie Highlights – Here we come to a segment I like to call Matt’s Movie Highlights.  Here we discuss the best parts of the film, be it a two second clip or an entire scene.  Here goes.

The Pit – Probably my favorite scene in the movie.  Right off the bat where the throw the first guy in and he turns into a blood geyser.  The part where Ash jumps up to catch (connect into) his chainsaw in midair is one of the greatest scenes in movie history.  Then Ash triumphantly emerges from the bit and goes on his Boom-Stick rant…..classic.

 The Witch – Ash yells out “Yo, she bitch! Let's go.”  had me rolling.  But, that wasn’t the part that made it great.  The greatness came when Ash delivered the backwards shotgun blast to put her down for good and then did that badass shake thing.

Groovy – Ash gets a robot hand, crushes a cup, says groovy.  It was much cooler than it sounds.

Schizophrenia - In this beauty Ash is confronted by his evil self.  He actually splits in two like an amoeba.  During the fight his evil self starts slapping him and acting silly saying "I'm BAD Ash, and you're GOOD Ash" and ranting on till good Ash puts the shotgun in his face and says "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun." Shit yea.  Always wanted to say that but as of yet haven't found the right time.

Then there’s a bunch of slaphappy humor that I’m not too big on.

Death Car – Ash takes his 1973 Oldsmobile and turns it into a steam powered death machine with a giant spinning blade.  It’s awesome to levels I didn’t think were achievable without mild altering substances.

Those are my favorites.  The movie as a standalone is very entertaining.  I hesitate to call it great because it was missing a lot of the gore and over the top violence that made me such a fan of the first two movies.  This film focused more on Three Stooges-esqe humor.  Not a fan.  Despite the great acting (I’m talk about Ash), fun characters, and fresh new plot I still only put it at the very good level.  I know there are many diehard fans out there who will disagree but I think there could have and should have been more.  I look forward to Evil Dead 4 as a hopeful tribute to the Evil Dead and not to Army of Darkness.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 42/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 2/5

 Zombies – 2/5 (i'm sorry but they weren't really zombies)

  Overall – 3.5/5

Evil Dead II and Ninkasi Tricerihops DIPA

I'm finally ready to take the advice of a friend of mine and review movies as a set instead of all hodge-podge like.  I have mentioned my biker/zombie loving/punk rocker friend in past entries but I think it’s time I gave him a name.  No he’s not imaginary, he’s just stealthy and there is a “no name drop” clause.  I was going to call him Dr. Know after the guitarist for the Bad Brains but he decided a more fitting name would be John Doe (of X fame).  Mr. Doe and I spent many hours discussing the inns and outs of zombies.  Thank you John Doe for your continued support and insite….Evil Dead II here we go!

While roaming the beer isles in search of a budget friendly bomber of beer (a BUFBOB) I saw a beer that has been on my “yea I’ll get around to it” list for a while.  I put it on my list when Solarjinx mentioned he was drinking Total Dommination (another awesome beer I will be reviewing soon).  This was none other than Ninkasi Tricerihops DIPA.  In my dyslectic (and partially drunken) stupor I had wandered by this beer dozens of times.  I had always mistaken it for Nikiski.  They both start with N and end in I.  The rest I smudged together.  Five bucks….done!  Thanks Solarjinx!

The first time I watched this movie I was confused.  It seemed just like the first one?  Granted, it's not totally the same but it was close.  Instead of 5 people there is just the 2 but they go to the same cabin and find the tape recorder with the translation of the book of the dead on it.  I did some reading and found out that this was the movie that Sam Raimi wanted to make the first time but didn't have the budget to.  The camera work is of the same high quality and creative nature as the first but this time it's a little more fun.  It starts much faster than the original.  In fact it almost starts too fast.  Within 5 minutes the evil spirit has captured Linda's soul (his girlfriend).  Raimi doesn't waste a lot of time with the drive to the cabin, discovering the cabin, and Ash giving Linda the necklace.  It's just "wow what a nice cabin" then "oh shit evil spirit possessed talking zombie things!!!"  Just like that.  I mean....Ash hears glass breaking.....his girlfriend is gone.....then when he finds her outside with crazy white eyes he immediately chops her head off.  No questions, no hesitation, just WHAM!!!!  NO MORE HEAD.  If everyone had this sort of no-nonsense decision making skills I wouldn't worry so much about the zombie apocalypse.

I take every evaluation seriously.  I take all the proper steps and follow the procedures laid out by those before me……most of the time.  Tonight was not one of those nights.  I drank four or five Deschutes Inversion IPAs and hate a Chipotle burrito with extra hot sauce.  So what I’m saying is that my taste buds aren’t at their purest most sensitive state.  My taste buds are a Michael Spinks in the embarrassing 31 seconds of my heavyweight title fight.  But, somehow, bravely, I fight through.  I pop the cap and pour that lazy peach colored liquid into my narrow tulip glass and silently admire as the tiny bubbles form a dense bread like head.  I’m cowering in fear as the rush of grapefruit, salty pine, and orange smash explode in my nose like a face fuck of flavor.  Yea I said it.  Pineapple and honey overtake me as I slip further into the glass.  I sip…..masterful.  Even with my salsa stained tongue I can clearly taste the sweet bready malt, covered with honey, and dripping with hops.  It’s much more balanced than I expected and much less bitter than I hoped.  It was unexpectedly refreshing.  As an IIPA I think it was less bitter than the Inversions I drank earlier (but maybe that’s the beer talkin).  It finishes smooth and long but without that little bite on your tongue.  My fear has subsided (of the beer not the movie, the movie is still terrifying (sort of)).  I welcome everyone with an extra five spot to experience this beer as a nod to the art of beer making.  It’s crafty.  But as a masochist I am left missing the pain that a Double IPA should bring.  I mean where’s the abuse in that?

The special effects on this one are vastly superior to the first movie.  It’s as if Evil Dead got all stoked up on coke and speed and decided to rob banks naked.  That’s what this film is.  And who took the muzzle off Bruce Campbell.  That bit of restraint that he had in the first film is completely demolished.  I’d go as far to say it’s not even the same guy.  His expressions are as over the top as the special effects.  The second movie adds some twists like the bit with the chainsaw (threw me for a loop the first time), the cool mirror effect, and the whole cutting off his own hand thing was pretty nice.  Raimi took everything he did well and made it better.  If there was a pipe that splattered him with blood in the first one, now it sprayed with the power of a fire hose.

It's horror and comedy smashed together into one of the most enjoyable performances I’ve ever seen.  I clearly see why this one is a horror movie classic.  If you haven’t seen it you NEED to see it.  In fact you should probably buy it.  I look forward to reviewing the fun but gentler Army of Darkness next and look out in the next couple years for Evil Dead 4!  It's in the works.

The Beer:

Aroma – 8/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 15/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 7/10

Total = 37/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 5/5

 Zombies – 2/5 (i'm sorry but they weren't really zombies)

  Overall – 4/5