Horror Rises from the Tomb and Flying Dog IPA

There's good zombie movies, bad zombie movies, and then there's the "so bad they're good" zombie movies.  This one teeters on the edge of bad and so bad it's good.  Bad acting and terrible special effects can be funny, or it can be terribly boring.  I'm still not sure which one this is.  This movie was made in Spain in 1973 and then released in the US in 75.  I believe i read somewhere that one of the heroes and the villain are the same actor.  They do look pretty similar now that I'm thinking about it.  I don't know a lot about the 70's.  I was alive (although pretty young) for some of the 80's and I've read and seen a lot about the 60's, but the 70's was a decade that i just never learned about.  Ok so there was disco and coke, but there had to be more to it than that.  So i dug a little further.  Now you're talking!  The birth of punk rock and sleazy drive in style horror!!  I had no idea the 70's were so great.  But that's not all....these boozy, drugged out disco maniacs were having sex like the world was ending.  There wasn't a lot of full on sex scenes in these movies but everyone was naked.  Not just this movie either.  In Zombi you get a taste of it.  Who scuba dives naked?  I'll touch on this more later.

I picked up a mix pack of flying dog in an effort to make further amends.  It appears that i was wrong about flying dog.  But if it weren't for Hunter S. Thompson i would never have realized it.  I picked up his book on sale at some book store in Colorado.  I had heard of him and it seemed like something i would like so i picked it up.  I'm really interested in rebels.  I love punk rock  and all it's rebellious grittiness so i thought it's quite possible i would like Hunter S. Thompson.  In the book it referenced Flying Dog a couple of times so I thought maybe i should give them another go.  I'm glad i did.  I realize after doing the math that i tried my first and only flying dog mix pack 5 years ago when i was 22.  I had just started drinking beer and hadn't yet worked up to the refined palate that i now possess.  So i picked out my most despised beer of 5 years ago... their Snake Dog IPA.  It poured a clear dark gold into my Sam Adams glass.  It had that typical American nose of big citrus hops.  But the first sip surprised me.  It was bitter without being biting and had a nice toasted malt back.  It finished clean and smooth without that puckering bitterness that i look for.  It's absence in this case was appealing.  There was still a big citrus flavor with green resinous hops all over it.  But it didn't bite my tongue the way most of my IPAs do.  Well done Flying Dog....well done.

The movie starts out in medieval France where this bloke is getting hung for being all buddy buddy with Satan.  Not big fans of "freedom of religion" those Francs were.  Before they cut off his head and bury them separately he places a curse on his executioners.  His wife was hung upside down tortured and killed, topless none the less.  Fast forward five hundred years or so and you've got a rich guy that thinks the body is buried in one of his estates.  They have a seance to see if they can't figure out where the body is.  I'm not sure if they were looking for some type of treasure associated with said body or if they are just gore hounds.  The seance goes terribly wrong as is typical of at least one other 70's zombie movie.

They all travel to the rich guys house where they find a buried chest.  It's locked so even though it might be treasure and three other people know about it they decide they should just keep it in the basement.  Well I'll be damned the poor servants tried to open the chest.  They find the head and become possessed.  Two out of the three don't make it out of the basement.  The remaining guy (possessed) does some killing of his own.  Here's where it gets interesting.  Every woman who gets killed gets her shirt ripped off before hand.  In one case it looked like the killer realized there wasn't enough boob in the shot and adjusted her ripped shirt accordingly.  Another thing while I'm at it.  Judging by this movie everyone in Spain in the 70's slept naked, men and women.  Not only that but the first thing a naked sleeping woman does when confronted with a resurrected French devil worshiper is throw off the covers.  The director must have realized he didn't have much of a plot and the actors weren't great so he just stripped them down and got extra boobie shots.  I'm surprised it beat out One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!

So our Hero is rocking a textured turtle neck tucked into his jeans.  Not exactly fitting by modern standards.  Not a lot of films with Vin Diesel and Jason Statham running around with textured turtle necks on.  The hero's girlfriend (wife maybe? no idea?) gets possessed and becomes part of the "Final Ritual".  It doesn't really explain what the ritual is but it does involve a lot of boobie touching???  Highlights of this movie include a scene where the undead wife rips a mans heart out.  That's about it.  There are a bunch of okay scenes and i learned a lot about the oversexed seventies but nothing stands out as amazing.

There are zombies in this movie.  At first i was worried it would just be possessions.  Those pre-Romero White Zombie type.  But in fact when the possessed people die they become honest to goodness zombies.  So technically it counts.  The only protection from these zombies and the unholy couple is a necklace of Thor's hammers.  Why the Greeks have anything to do with this I have no idea.  But it works.  The naked sleeping Spaniard keeps safe only because captain evil saw the necklace hovering above her bosom.  His wife isn't harmed by the necklace and needs a silver needle through the heart???  Whatever.  Our main characters end up slaying the evil duo but not before our hero hunk takes an ax to the chest.  And he almost made it!!

All in all this wasn't a bad movie.  Only because i assumed it was going to be a terrible movie.  It moved well enough, had decent gore, a unique plot, and the acting wasn't the worst I've ever seen.  Would i recommend it?  Mer?  If you have a lot of time and a couple of beers than give it a shot.  If you want to snuggle with the Mrs. and watch a feel good film, look elsewhere.

The Beer:

Aroma – 7/10

Appearance – 4/5

Taste – 8/10

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 14/20

Total = 37/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

The Horde and North Coast Old Stock Ale

So it's time for the last Zombie movie night in Alaska.  As i prepare to pack things up for the movers i decided to have one last bash.  I bought a case of flying dog, a couple of bombers, some pizza, and we're ready to go.  One of the guys brought with him a bottle of North Coast Brewing Company's Old Stock Ale Cellar Reserve, vintage 2010.  I so rarely accept such a luxurious gift, but under the circumstances it seemed right.  So after a few "warm up" beers we piled into my living room and netflixed the French film 'The Horde'.  I had just watched this movie for the first time the week before on a recommendation from my biker buddy.  What a recommendation it was.  This movie is proof that the genre isn't dead and out of the least likely place (FRANCE!?!?).  Here is the gory horror epic that instantly earns a spot in my top 5!

The fancy painted corked bottle has me thinking I'm in store for something classy.  My buddy pops the cork pours himself a beer and passes the bottle.  I pour myself a short pint of this magic elixir and swirl it in my snifter.  It's a deep caramel color with a tan fluffy tan head.  The aroma is something special.  I don't need to read the label to know that this sucker is Bourbon aged.  It's viscous and full.  It pounds your nose with that hot whisky burn.  With 13.2% abv it will do that to you.  There's also raisins, figs, dark caramel, and toasted wood.  But that's not all.  There's Bourbon....lots of it....more than i like.  I only like the Bourbon in small amounts.  In this beer it almost overpowers all the other flavors.  It's rich and bursting with flavor.  The complexities of this beer increase as it warms.  This is definitely a sipping beer.  I have tried several times to get into whisky.  Ever since i read this article about famous beer writer Michael Jackson preferring the layers and complexity of Scotch over beer I've tried to enjoy them myself.  I just don't have the acquired taste.  Perhaps i would appreciate this beer with the 18 months of oak aging instead of Bourbon barrel aged.

The cinematography in this film is amazing (for a zombie movie).  The professional feel of the movie is apparent from the get go.  No shaky lo fi camera with no talent strained acting.  This breaks it off right from the start with a group of French cops going into a condemned high rise to avenge the death of a fellow cop.  They run into a major speed bump right off the bat and several get killed.  The blood and gore is very well done.  Gun shots splatter the walls and spray blood everywhere in the most awesome way possible.  The gangsters  kill off a few more cops but before they can finish questioning them one of the dead cops comes back to life.  These are fast zombies but not sprinting super zombies.  I like how the zombie makeup isn't over the top.  The eyes are slightly different and there's some altered teeth but not the mutated half demon looking monsters that some movies use.

As the group is attacked they run to the roof where they also get a view of the entire city under siege by the undead.  They decide (with some angst) to join forces and fight their way out of the dilapidated building.  On the way they meet the coolest character in any zombie movie.  This old, tubby, Vietnam vet goes medieval with an axe.  He's the roughest, toughest old man in cinema.  But he's not just his John Wayne demeanor that makes him awesome.  He also has a craziness and a dark humor to him.  He is even nonchalantly going to chop off a guys leg when he gets bitten.  He's who I hope to be when i grow old.

There's the constant struggle between the cops and the criminals throughout the film.  It keeps the movie moving and keeps the pace up.  The actors are all very good, you don't even realize there's subtitles after a while.  This movie is what I've been waiting for since 2004.  The zombies are ferocious but believable and the characters are likable but condemned.  It's a swirl of dark reality and horror that makes this movie so phenomenal.  As of recent the majority of zombie films released have been overly silly or under budget and without the ability to really make things work.  In this film all the pieces come together.  This movie has my favorite death scene.  After being bitten one of the cops decides to make "the sacrifice" he holds off the horde to let the others escape.  Hundreds of zombies emerged on him and he fought them off till the very last second.  It was perfectly written and perfectly shot.  It's everything i hope my last stand would be like.  If you haven't yet seen this movie and you think your a zombie movie fan, you need to rent it.  It's an inspiration and i hope they make more like it.  France.....you've gained my respect.

The Beer:

Aroma – 6/10

Appearance – 4/5

Taste – 7/10

Palate – 4/5  

   Overall – 16/20

Total = 37/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 5/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 5/5

  Overall – 5/5

Zombi 2 and Midnight Sun XXX

The are few zombie movies more recognizable than Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2.  It came out the year after Romero's Dawn of the Dead (titled Zombi in Italy) and like Dawn was criticized for being too bloody.  It has become a cult movie favorite and Fulci's greatest achievement.  This movie, for me, embodied Italian Horror.  It was grotesque and dark but at the same time adventurous and racy.  It was movie #2 in our zombie movie night.  I decided i would pair this extreme movie with an extreme beer Midnight Sun's XXX Black IIPA.  Both are dark, bitter, and for some, hard to handle.

In 2009 Midnight Sun set to work with a vision.  They wanted to brew something really special for the 30th anniversary of Specialty Imports.  They are one of the few breweries (maybe even the first?) to brew a black IIPA.  They use dehusked carafa to add a smooth rich dark maltiness to the beer without adding the bitterness or overly roasted flavor that some dark malts can impart.  But alas, I'm getting ahead of myself.  I was looking for the oak aged version but could only find the regular one.  The oak aged is MUCH MUCH better.  The longer aging smooths it out a bit more and the oak flavor is right on target adding even more complexity and smoothness.  That's a beer for another day.  I poured it into my snifter and at 8.5% it's got the viscosity of an even bigger beer.  It's really dark.  Sort of a black dark brown mix with a deep light walnut head with stays for a bit and leaves great lacing.  There is a big roasted aroma with oats, bread, and of course those big citrus american hops.

After a couple of longs sniffs i dive into this old friend.  It reminds me of Gonzo but not quite so thick.  Its got a lot of malt up front but not so much to confuse this beer with an export stout or a Baltic Porter.  No there's a lasting bitterness that while assertive, doesn't take over the beer the way it does in most IIPAs.  Instead the beer finds this perfect balance between luxurious roasted malts and citrus hoppy bitterness.  Midnight sun has found the perfect mix of chocolate and pine, espresso and grapefruit.  The finish is strong but not oppressive which allows you to plow throw a bomber without blinking.  This beer stands well on it's own as a warmer in long winter nights or would pair well with chili or chocolate.  The only reason this beer doesn't rate higher is because I've tried the oak aged version and therefore i know it can be even better. 

The movie starts out in New York harbor where a derelict vessel is found adrift.  When the harbor Patrol boards it they find no one is on board......except a zombie!!!  The boat belonged to a scientist who's daughter finds out he's missing and sets out to find him.  She takes this bad comb over reporter with her to a Caribbean island to investigate.  The only way to get to the island is by paying this American couple to take them.  We soon learn that Americans can't travel from one island to the next without some naked scuba diving.  It's one of the more unattractive activities you can do naked.  What does she encounter while down there but A SHARK....and a Zombie.  But that's not all.  They zombie fights the shark.  I think this song was the inspiration for the song Zombie vs Shark by Send More Paramedics.

They become stranded on this Island where Dr.Menard (our island quack) has been doing research into why the dead on the island have been rising.  (I can think of safer medical fields to participate in.)  There's not a lot of plot to tell.  The two four travelers try to fend off hordes of the risen dead.  It never really explains why the dead are rising other than some quick references to the possibility of voodoo.  It is on an island so who knows.

There are some great scenes in this movie.  Some of the most memorable scenes in any zombie movie i would argue.

The first of which being the zombie on the boat in the harbor.  He was big and nasty and took a nice chunk out of a cop.  It sets the pace for the rest of the movie.  Oh yea and why are all Italian zombies covered in mud?

The second was the famous Zombie vs Shark scene.  They even used green blood for the zombie which i thought was a nice touch.  This was very innovative and original.  If they were to redo this scene today they might try to use a shark that has teeth.  That would make it more believable.

Third was the eye gouging scene.  This was the first of it's kind.  Dr. Menard's wife gets her head yanked onto a broken board.  The splinters gouge into her eye in super slow motion.  It looks just real enough to be awesome.  Burial Ground did the same gag with broken glass.  It just feels cheap after seeing the original.

Forth was the resurrection of the famous "worm eyed" conquistador zombie.  Not only does he kill off the naked scuba girl but also has a little head explosion of his own.  Judging by how these zombies rose from the grave I'm going to assume that the 6ft rule had not yet been enacted.  These zombies were barley covered with leaves.

I know this is going to sound bad but even with all those great scenes i listed i still don't really like this movie.  I think it moved slowly, none of the characters were really likable, and the action scenes were boring.  I appreciate this movie for what it is and I'm proud to have it in my collection....but it's not the jewel some people make it out to be.  Sorry Italy.  Watching the special features only made me more angry.  The people that they interviewed tried to claim that this was a totally original idea and the movie was better than Romero's Dawn.  This movie doesn't hold a candle to Dawn of the Dead. Wiki says it's supposed to be a prequel.  The DVD says it's supposed to be its own movie.  I think it's hard to make a prequel to a movie that already had a prequel!!!  Night of the Living Dead!  If you didn't want your movie to get confused as a prequel maybe you should have named it something different.  Zombi 2 sounds like your basing it off of zombi.  Anyway that's a lot of rant.  This movie was ok.  The beer was amazing.  Rent the movie.  Buy the beer.

The Beer:

Aroma – 8/10

Appearance – 5/5

Taste – 8/10

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 18/20

Total = 43/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 4.5/5

Zombies – 3/5 

  Overall – 4/5

Living a Zombie Dream and Dogfish Head Festina Peche

I wanted to just get it out of the way.  This is the worst movie i own, the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and quite possibly the worst movie in the world.  Honestly, i have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking of this movie.  My wife bought it for a penny (plus shipping) on e bay.  Anything you can buy for a penny is something that people are really trying to move. I tried to think of the shittiest beer i could find to have with it.  For me the worst beer I could think of comes from my favorite brewery.  Dogfish Head.  It makes sense to me.  If your going to go out on a limb and do some crazy stuff sooner or later you’re going to cross the line.  And cross the line they did.  Festina Peche!

I'll start with the beer.  I thought the flute would be the best glass for this beer.  It's a brilliant cloudy piss yellow with a tiny foamy white head that dissipates quickly.  The aroma is big notes of peach (as mentioned in the name) with notes of wheat toast.  I do not like fruit in my beer and this is no exception.  The first sip of this super tart, super sour peach mess makes me gag.  I force down the first sip.  It's highly carbonated.  This beer is bone dry and crisp like none I’ve ever tasted.  It's like sucking on a lemon.  The beer is thin at 4.5% abv and 8 IBUs.  No hop bitterness or flavor at all.  This is just a dried out peach mess.  It's supposed to quench thirst in the hot summer days and gently encourage appetite before big dinners.  I'll tell you what it does do....makes your stomach turn and induces long periods of delirium.  It had to happen sooner or later.  If you make enough award winning beers you’re going to make a giant turd bomb.  Sam Calagione this.....is your turn bomb.

Now that I’ve managed to swallow a couple of sips i feel like i might be able to start the movie.  The movie starts off with a weird déjà vu scene.  Get used to it because this movie is about 15 minutes of footage replayed as flashbacks for almost 90 minutes.  Our main character leaves his house where his girlfriend or wife is doing her nails in her robe.  This is important.  Remember that.  He sneaks over to some dude's house with a gun.  It's important to note at this point that the entire movie was shot with a handicam.  Something....something....devil worshiping???  Flash his wife is getting banged by some dude!  He sees them.  She's smacking this guy and getting dirty as her boyfriend goes crazy  in the other room.  It's not as crazy as you would expect.  He just kind of covers his ears and does this crazy eyes thing.  Maybe it was his greasy parted hair that drove him into the arms of another woman.  Maybe it was his splotchy complexion.  Whatever it was when he comes back in the two of them are sitting down and watching a static TV on opposite sides of the couch.  That's not obvious.

Now he's giving the guy a ride home?   It's his brother!!!  He's not really as upset as he should be.  Some people would go into a violent rage.  He just gets a little pouty face and kicks his brother out of the car.  He decides he will go back and give him a ride anyway but it's too late!!!!!  He's been clubbed by some dude in a loin cloth.  Honestly the next hour is flashbacks of the guy cutting his brothers guts open and flashbacks to his girlfriend banging some guy.  But in a Victorian English style dress.  And i don't know why but she's doing her makeup for the entire movie.  This is by far the biggest piece of shit movie i've ever seen.  I'm only watching it now in order to clear my conscience and give a clear and accurate warning to others.

Life is short.  A car wreck could kill you tomorrow.  Don't sell yourself short by wasting time watching this movie.  This is a life suck.  It's a waste of time, and a loss of hope.  This movie shouldn't exist.  There's only a few sentences of dialog every half our or so and the gore is so fake it's making me sad.  Sad that people spent months writing, filming, editing, and distributing this movie.  I'm also sad for the environment.  This DVD was created and shipped all the way to me, wasting precious resources.  I hate this movie more than anything.  Your welcome for saving you all the time.

The Beer:

Aroma – 4/10

Appearance – 3/5

Taste – 2/10

Palate – 1/5 

   Overall – 6/20

Total = 16/50

The Movie:

Production – 0/5

Plot – 0/5

Gore – 0/5

Zombies – 0/5

  Overall – 0/5

Zombieland and Midnight Sun's Sockeye Red IPA

I had to do it despite everything i felt in my heart.  I had to review Zombieland.  It's a joke from the start.  I can't watch this without thinking "FU kid from that Facebook movie.  Nobody cares!"  And stop stealing the acting style of that kid from Superbad and Juno.  He came first and he deserves it.  Your just some nerdy copy cat.  I watched this movie at the theater the first time.  I walked out shaking my head.  I have a serious problem with the fact that 3 of the 4 survivors are kids with no training, skills, weapons, or preparation. But maybe if they put characters that would have actually survived, then the average 16 year old wouldn't have related to, watched, and then bought this movie.  It's all about money.  This movie was a cookie cutter Hollywood teen comedy with a few trendy zombies thrown in.  Whatever.  I'm going to give this a round two just to make sure.  Everybody deserves a second chance, right?

I decide to pair this pit of despair with a cold friend.  I don't normally review beers that you can't purchase across the country but this time...this time it's different.  You see in a few weeks I'm moving down to Seattle. While there are many things i will miss about Alaska undoubtedly the biggest is Midnight Sun Brewery.  This brewery is lighting Alaska on fire with it's creativity and refusal to yield to conventional styles or pubic opinion.  Hell their summer seasonal is a wheat based IIPA.  That's bad ass!!!  They make a 14.3% English style barleywine that is one of the best I've ever had.  They have an oak aged Belgian Dark Strong and Black IIPA that will blow your mind.  Their flagship beer is the Sockeye Red IPA.  It's 5.7% abv and 70 IBUs.  That's a lot of IBUs for that little alcohol.  Well it is.  It pours a clear, copper/red with a small but comforting white head.  It's a little lighter than the picture leads to believe.  It's got a real fresh grassy, resiny nose.  This is another in the long line of citrus American IPAs that I've been drinking.  But this ones different.  This one is light bodied and very drinkable without being too thin or watery.  There isn't a lot of malt backbone but that's not why I'm drinking it.  It's more hop tea than beer.  It's a special green faced kick you in the balls while you slam a couple of 22 oz bombers, type of beer.

The opening scenes play through and I'm thinking maybe i was wrong about this movie.  I love the fireman getting attacked by the guy whose on fire.  The half naked stripper chasing the guy still holding the singles was another fresh idea that made me laugh.  The zombies are pretty sweet.  The spewing black blood was awesome!  Nerdy guy's rules are stupid.  Yes they're true and in some cases a pretty funny but i can't stand the way the words are animated on the screen.  I had no idea we were going to be doing stupid shit.  Now that we've laid the ground work for the shit show lets unload. "Columbus" just annoys the piss out of me.  Woody makes this film interesting.  I like his bad ass yet realistic persona.  However, this too goes to shit when he begins his Twinkie rant.

The two girls that trick them into giving them their guns....what would have happened if Tallahassee had just shot her.  That would have really changed the film.  I mean some people would see the bite mark and it's all over.  There are huge holes in the plot and a lack of zombies in scenes where there should be some.  And when the 12 year old tries to be tough as they hold up the guys a second time.  It's just such a sad thing to watch something so stupid get such a big budget.  When they drive in downtown L.A. to get the map of the stars there really weren't that many zombies.  I also noticed there weren't a hell of a lot of ditched cars either.  There were a few in the beginning of the movie and then none in this highly populated area?  Really?  

I didn't like the smashing stuff scene at all.  I thought it was pretty cheesy.  Isn't shooting zombies blowing off steam enough.  It's not enough to chop off a zombies head with a pair of hedge trimmers.  No no, what really makes me feel better is smashing Native American art souvenirs.  Smashing a zombie face with a baseball bat......or breaking a drum?  This was silly and unnecessary.  This whole movie was like that for me.  What i hate more is how many people love this movie.  Who are these people?  They can't be true zombie fans.  Yes i'm a snob.

There was a few zombie screw ups.  Zombies can't turn door knobs, won't pick at their teeth, and CAN'T CLIMB.  This is a big thing that i normally would overlook it was a shoulder high fence but they climbed a giant amusement park ride.  Speaking of amusement parks....why, why, why, why would you turn all of the lights on to the amusement park.  They should have gotten eaten for that stupidity.  And what's the worst place to go.  The up and down ride thing.  I understand there wasn't a lot of good options at that point but there must have been something better than that.  What was the best possible scenario for that (if they hadn't gotten rescued)?  So your on the ride and you go up......now what?  Even if you get the thing stuck up there where will you go?  They arn't going to just go away.

But there are some good parts.  This movie isn't as bad as i once thought.  Bill Murry instantly gives this movie an automatic 3 stars.  The recreation of the Ghostebusters scene was really funny.  I love his movies and his cameo saves this movie for me.  I didn't expect it when i first saw the movie.  Bill Murry...thank you.  But, from there it's on it's own.  Iwish i had better things to say about this movie.  I know i'm in the minority of people who don't like this movie but it's true.  I can't justify more than 3.5 stars on this load of poo.

The Beer:

Aroma – 7/10

Appearance – 4/5

Taste – 7/10

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 18/20

Total = 40/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 2/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3.5/5