Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Helldriver and Ninkasi Sleigh'r

So I've finally gotten around to cleaning out those pesky porn links from my comment section (thank you spammers) and it's time to get underway with another review to open your eyes to something new.  I was looking for something over the top and watchable.  There are just those days where you can't watch another poorly acted, zero budget movies and today was one of those days.  I am watching a movie that I'm only mildly sure is in fact a zombie movie.  We shall see.  I'm pairing this mystery movie with a little Christmas beer, Ninkasi Brewery's Sleigh'r Dark Double Alt ale.
The movie starts off wild.  There are zombies.  But they're over the top strange Asian zombies.  Everything is exaggerated.  Instead of a zombie who's head and spine are coming slightly out of its body there is a zombie with a 15 foot spine that our hero pole dances before chopping the zombie's head off.  Pretty brilliant.  They've got the hook set and i don't even have the beer open.  They flashback to before the whole zombie thing happened.  Apparently our chain-sword (like a chainsaw sword i guess) wielding heroine was once a tortured and sad little girl.  Her mother and uncle (who happens to be a Japanese Nazi?) were evil.  Like chop up the husband/brother in law and make hamburgers out of his legs while he's still alive, that sort of evil.  Mom ends up getting hit with some sort of meteorite and gets turned into the super she zombie.  Mom ten rips out her daughters heart and puts it in her chest (don't get sad she gets a robot heart).  Before i get to into the weeds of this film let me start drinking.
The beer is very dark but not black.  A deep mahogany with red hues.  There's an off white head that dissipates.  There's a pleasant but not overly powerful aroma of toasted malts and warm oatmeal.  There's a little floral hops at the end and a little caramel maltiness that really is wonderful.  And the taste!!!  Boy I’m sure king Henry wouldn't have beheaded so many wives if he had more of this around.  It's great!  It's full but not overly heavy, sweet without being cloying or dessert like, and it's got just the right amount of hops to balance off this malty beast.  For a cheaper bomber this is one of the most drinkable and well crafted beers of its type.  When the occasion calls for a dark lager I’ll pass and instead grab one of these.  This will be an "always on hand" beer for sure.
For the movie i'll only talk about a few of the more memorable scenes.  There is a scene where a guy is able to sword fight a giant sword covered zombie with his pickup truck (that also has sword/spikes on it)  the truck looks like it's dancing at times.  It's a bit too much.
There's a pile of body parts that transforms into a stripper zombie with 4 sets of arms (all of which holding a sword and eventually M-16s) and tiny zombie baby hands coming out of her face.  This zombie walks around on the swords like a weird spider.....awesome.
The zombie car.  This is something i have never seen before and probably will never see again.  As the uncle chases his niece he catches different body parts that are cut off from surrounding zombies.  As the niece keeps hacking away at bodies uncle gets more parts until....duh duh daaaaaaa.....ZOMBIE CAR.  He's driving a car made up completely of body parts.  awesome.
There was one part where the mother queen zombie (who mind controls all the other zombies) creates a giant zombie monster made up of thousands of other zombies!!!!  As our heroine climbs to the final battle she encounters her uncle who throws zombie heads at her (the horns are explosive...did i not mention that?)  eventually the giant monster grabs a rocket and begins soaring to the zombie free side of Japan but really really there is just too much to do any of it justice.  There is so much awesome and extreme gore.  There's unique and innovative zombie deaths and even though I dislike a how much they deviate from the Romero model I was fully entertained and will definitely buy this movie.  Thank you Japan for blowing my mind.
The Beer:
Aroma – 10/12
Appearance – 2/3
Taste – 18/20
Palate – 3/5 
   Overall – 8/10
Total = 41/50
The Movie:
Production – 5/5
Plot – 3/5
Gore – 5/5
 Zombies – 3/5
  Overall – 4/5