Exit Humanity and Ninkasi Total Domination IPA

I was told to stay away from this film at all costs.  I was told it was nothing but an hour and a half of a guy screaming in the woods.  But I also wanted to point out that the person that told me that also thinks that a great classic car is a 1973 Volkswagen Thing and that the newest Taking Back Sunday album is really good…..so I decided not to trust his terrible taste.  I decided to throw down an inexpensive but potentially awesome beer.  I’ve been converted into a Ninkasi believer!  Their beers are just wonderful.  I love the imperial IPA and the Oatmeal Stout.  I love Eugene, OR and everything it stands for.  So without further ado….

Exit Humanity is truly a wonderful film.  It has a similar feel to Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies but much more serious.  It’s a dramatic approach to a zombie genre riddled with cheap laughs and lack luster performances.  This movie is a standout in a genre where bad acting and special effects reincarnate into movie after terrible movie.  This one is different.  The movie follows Edward Young (Mark Gibson) on his journey back from the civil war.  Towards the end of the war the world is gripped by a zombie plague which goes largely unexplained.  Edward Young returns to his farmhouse to find his wife a zombie and his son missing.  He kills his wife and battles insanity as he struggles to find his son.  He eventually locates his son only to find he was too late and he’s already become one of them.  The film then takes a dramatic change where Edward Young searches for reason in a world gone mad while dealing with his tremendous grief.

I quietly opened the beer as to not miss a line of dialog.  This movie isn’t a fast paced action pact thriller.  It’s a dramatic story of loss and redemption that just happens to have zombies.  I respect that.  But I know I’ll probably respect it even more with a beer in my hand.  That’s where Ninkasi comes in.  Total Domination is a pretty confident name.  Must be the best……right?  I pour the beer and it’s a beautiful hazy orange/tan/copper color.  I don’t mind the cloudy.  It might mean extra character!  Sometimes that’s yeast sediment, sometimes there’s even bits of hops there.  I think it’s really interesting to do a clean half pour….taste the beer.  Then swirl the rest of the bottle in and taste again with the yeast.  If you liked the first taste better then you learned your lesson for next time.  This beer has a very thick massive off white head.  I love it.  Carbonation shoots up the sides of the glass to join their bubble friends.  It dissipates a little more quickly than expected but left a nice lacing on the glass.  It’s got all the character I expect from a big pacific northwest IPA.  It’s very citrusy with pineapple and tangerine all over it.  The first taste is quite good.  It’s not overpowering but it’s nice.  It’s sticky hoppy with a slick medium carbonated mouthfeel.  It tastes very citrusy but with a bit of pine and a floral hoppiness that really comes through.  But it also has a strong yeastiness that makes the beer almost chewey.  There’s also a biscuit like maltiness that manages to escape from underneath the pile of hops.  It’s good but not amazing.  It’s a bit one dimensional.  And if my IPA is going to be one dimensional I expect it to find that direction and mash the pedal to the floor!  This one doesn’t do that.  It’s really good and I’ll but it again but it pales in comparison to Founders Cascade IPA or the other strong examples of the style.  I’m still a Ninkasi fan though!

We rejoin Edward Young as he crosses the countryside with his son’s ashes.  He fights both zombies and insanity until he runs into trouble in the form of an enemy general and his doctor who have their own plans for the undead problem.  Here a very familiar paradox is presented.  What is the value of a life?  If they evil scientist performs ghoulish experiments on hundreds of people only to find the zombie cure and save the lives of millions….is he still evil?  He was trying to save live….the greater good.  Or is one innocent woman’s life worth more than the lives of all those affected.  I think it’s interesting because this same idea could be shot in the same movie from two points of views and both times you would have a different villain and a different hero.  It’s all about perspective.  Bill Mosley (of Dead Air and The Devil’s Rejects) and Steven McHattie (of Pontypool, the movie that Dead Air ripped off) both give fabulous performances.  The movie has very convincing makeup at times and the editing does a great deal for making the zombies realistic and scary.

If you’re a real zombie movie fan then you need to watch this movie.  It’s a fresh idea where there are so few no a days.  The acting is far superior to many box office busters yet this film lives in the bowls of horror movie hell.  The movie was great and to Chris….you have the worst taste!

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5 

Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3.5/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 4/5

Overall – 3.5/5

Helldriver and Ninkasi Sleigh'r

So I've finally gotten around to cleaning out those pesky porn links from my comment section (thank you spammers) and it's time to get underway with another review to open your eyes to something new.  I was looking for something over the top and watchable.  There are just those days where you can't watch another poorly acted, zero budget movies and today was one of those days.  I am watching a movie that I'm only mildly sure is in fact a zombie movie.  We shall see.  I'm pairing this mystery movie with a little Christmas beer, Ninkasi Brewery's Sleigh'r Dark Double Alt ale.

The movie starts off wild.  There are zombies.  But they're over the top strange Asian zombies.  Everything is exaggerated.  Instead of a zombie who's head and spine are coming slightly out of its body there is a zombie with a 15 foot spine that our hero pole dances before chopping the zombie's head off.  Pretty brilliant.  They've got the hook set and i don't even have the beer open.  They flashback to before the whole zombie thing happened.  Apparently our chain-sword (like a chainsaw sword i guess) wielding heroine was once a tortured and sad little girl.  Her mother and uncle (who happens to be a Japanese Nazi?) were evil.  Like chop up the husband/brother in law and make hamburgers out of his legs while he's still alive, that sort of evil.  Mom ends up getting hit with some sort of meteorite and gets turned into the super she zombie.  Mom ten rips out her daughters heart and puts it in her chest (don't get sad she gets a robot heart).  Before i get to into the weeds of this film let me start drinking.

The beer is very dark but not black.  A deep mahogany with red hues.  There's an off white head that dissipates.  There's a pleasant but not overly powerful aroma of toasted malts and warm oatmeal.  There's a little floral hops at the end and a little caramel maltiness that really is wonderful.  And the taste!!!  Boy I’m sure king Henry wouldn't have beheaded so many wives if he had more of this around.  It's great!  It's full but not overly heavy, sweet without being cloying or dessert like, and it's got just the right amount of hops to balance off this malty beast.  For a cheaper bomber this is one of the most drinkable and well crafted beers of its type.  When the occasion calls for a dark lager I’ll pass and instead grab one of these.  This will be an "always on hand" beer for sure.

For the movie i'll only talk about a few of the more memorable scenes.  There is a scene where a guy is able to sword fight a giant sword covered zombie with his pickup truck (that also has sword/spikes on it)  the truck looks like it's dancing at times.  It's a bit too much.

There's a pile of body parts that transforms into a stripper zombie with 4 sets of arms (all of which holding a sword and eventually M-16s) and tiny zombie baby hands coming out of her face.  This zombie walks around on the swords like a weird spider.....awesome.

The zombie car.  This is something i have never seen before and probably will never see again.  As the uncle chases his niece he catches different body parts that are cut off from surrounding zombies.  As the niece keeps hacking away at bodies uncle gets more parts until....duh duh daaaaaaa.....ZOMBIE CAR.  He's driving a car made up completely of body parts.  awesome.

There was one part where the mother queen zombie (who mind controls all the other zombies) creates a giant zombie monster made up of thousands of other zombies!!!!  As our heroine climbs to the final battle she encounters her uncle who throws zombie heads at her (the horns are explosive...did i not mention that?)  eventually the giant monster grabs a rocket and begins soaring to the zombie free side of Japan but really really there is just too much to do any of it justice.  There is so much awesome and extreme gore.  There's unique and innovative zombie deaths and even though I dislike a how much they deviate from the Romero model I was fully entertained and will definitely buy this movie.  Thank you Japan for blowing my mind.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 3/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 5/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 4/5

The Devil’s Playground and Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus

Here is a film that looks absolutely amazing in the preview.  Just so you know there are two movies with the name “The Devil’s Playground”.  The easy way to tell which movie is the right one is to find the one that’s got a picture of an Amish girl smoking a cigarette on the cover…..and buy the other one.  It’s not the movie about revolting Amish youth.  It’s the movie about zombies.  It’s currently on Netflix “Watch Instantly” so hurry if you’re interested.  This film is English so it’s got a different feel to it.  It was dark and violent and very fast paced.  I decided to branch out from my normal IPA fetish to experience some other more tradition beer styles.  Here’s where I bring out a few bottles of Erdinger Weissbier Pikantus.  It’s a German Weizenbock!  Weizen is German for “wheat” and bock is “Ram”.  Not sure how ram has to do with beer.  Unless it’s so strong it feels like you’ve ban bashed by a Ram’s horns?  Maybe?

Anyway let’s do beer first and then the movie.  I’m usually not a big lager fan.  As I’m sure my readers have noticed through my choice of reviews.  Yes Rouge Imperial Pilsner, Smuttynose Maibock, and Sam Adams LongShot Dortmunder Export are a few exceptions but for the most part despite all my best effort I just can’t get into lagers.  I feel bad even saying that.  By saying I don’t like lagers I immediately exclude almost half of all the world’s beers (by number of styles not % of beer sold).  It’s with a strong resolve not to be so exclusive that I open the large 500ml bottle and pour into a tulip glass.  I’m not sure exactly what the proper glass for a weizenbock is.  I’ve seen doppelbocks served in mugs which might be traditional but for me they’re far from fitting for such a beer.  So tulip glass it is!  It pours a very rich deep dark brown.  It’s a bit cloudy with a two finger tan head that quickly falls and leaves no lacing.  There’s a strong malt aroma and what I can only describe as a hot alcohol smell.  It’s like pureed raisins and prunes.  It has a big dried fruit smell actually.  The taste is powerful.  There’s that dark fruity flavor with a rich wheat back.  There’s spice and a hint of liquorice and brown sugar in the slightly sweet finish.  It’s medium carbonated, and medium bodied but very chewy.  If what I explained to you sounds appealing….then good.  But to me it’s not good at all.  I’m sorry I hate dried fruit and this beer reeks of it.  And liquorice!  Why don’t you just punch me in the balls and call me Sally because that’s how I feel.  Beer Advocate puts this beer in the exceptional category…I put this beer in the exceptionally bad category!

The film on the other hand is in the exceptionally AMAZING category.  Film starts off from a security camera in a destroyed lab room?  This huge English dude is all busted up with broken glass sticking out of his face.  He’s talking to the security camera about his role in the apocalypse and his path to redemption.  I know I’ve seen this guy a million times.  IMDB shows that it’s the six foot three Craig Fairbrass.  He was in a ton of movies including The Bank Job and Cliffhanger!  In fact most of the people in this film are in other legit movies.  Dog Soldiers being the one that stands out to me.  Also I didn’t check the list of actors very closely before I hit play so I was surprised when I saw Danny Dyer in this movie!!!  He’s the guy from Doghouse that all the women love.  He’s hilarious and just plain awesome.  He’s the guy that rogers up to any horror movie they throw at him.  Zombies?  Sure.  Vampires? Sure.  Strange Russian Soldiers hiding out in a hillside?  Fuck yea!

The film goes through a trial of a new drug that will make people smarter, faster, more focused, and just all around awesome.  They give the trial to something like 20,000 people.  Everything is great until they start to have side effects.  First it’s bleeding, vomiting, the whole nine, then ultimately ZOMBIE!!!!  All accept one woman.  As she tries to escape the city Cole, a hardened hitman for the company that created the disease, tracks her down in hope that she holds the key to a cure.  There’s a sort of love story between the girl who’s immune and her cop husband/ex husband? who was put in jail for shooting a kid.  The real story of the incident comes to light in the final stages of the film.

There’s a lot of amazing things about this movie.  The actors were great and very believable, the gore was realistic, and the sets were new and refreshing.  But every zombie movie comes to a point where they need to decide what type of zombie they’re going to use.  This makes a big difference in every other aspect of the movie.  Because all the people were given a drug to make them superhumans they didn’t just turn into zombies….they turned into SUPER ZOMBIES!!!  This I wasn’t a huge fan of.  Zombies that can jump, climb, and run like Olympic athletes really tests what I feel is reasonable.  But in this case if you can overlook all that and focus on how well done the acting and the special effects are then you’re really going to enjoy this movie.  I know I did.

 

The Beer:

Aroma – 5/12

Appearance – 2/3

Taste – 10/20

Palate – 2/5 

   Overall – 5/10

Total = 24/50

The Movie:

Production – 5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore –5/5

 Zombies – 4/5

  Overall – 4.5/5

Zombie Apocalypse and Dogfish Head's Nobel Rot

 So I’m trapped in Yorktown, Virginia for a week long class I’m taking.  So in addition to catching up on some school work, I’m also catching up on some zombie movie watching.  I’m giving this particular movie its second chance.  I watched fifteen minutes of it on Netflix but the quality was lacking and I just couldn’t muscle through it.  But this time I can.  This time I have a secret weapon.  I have Dogfish Head’s Nobel Rot!!!  This is supposed to be a wild blend of beer and wine.  Now while I am fairly well read with beer art and science but I am a simpleton in the world of wine.  So I am going to limit my description of the beer to what the Dogfish Head website says and what my taste buds tell me.

The film is much better on DVD than on Netflix.  The black colors are blacker and everything is sharper.  Maybe it’s just my computer.  I have no idea.  Another reason for watching the DVD instead of streaming is the intro comic inside the DVD case.  I found it after I watched the movie and while unnecessary, it’s helpful in really understanding the movie.  There’s a certain raw badassness that reminds me of Ninjas vs. Zombies or Dead Moon Rising with better picture and audio quality.  It’s not Shawn of the Dead….but few things are.  The movie centers around an ex US Special Agent Dwight Miller (some sort of super dude position) who falls in love and marries a government scientist that is developing the ultimate biological weapon…ZOMBIES!!!!  His understudy, a powerful and quick agent codenamed “Net” turned the couple in for their prohibited relationship.  She was moved and he was on the run…until….Net lets the zombies out to kill Miller.  Miller escapes but so do the zombies.  What happens next is the end of the world.

I pull out the giant 750ml bottle and uncap it.  I have my special Belgian tulip glass just for beers like this.  Dogfish.com says that the beer is a Saison base with viognier grape must added.  The must (unfermented juice) has been infected with a fungus called botrytis.  This is supposed to reduce water content and magnify sweetness and complexity (as well as alcohol potential…POW!!!).  As if that’s not enough pinot gris grapes are added.  And not any pinot gris grapes these are special dropped fruit grapes.  As an expert (I watched the movie and read the book “A Good Year”) I can tell you that some of the grapes are clipped so that more juice and nutrients can get to the remaining grapes.  The result is a 9%abv 18IBU beer that just aches to be drunk.  Once again Dogfish Head does something creative and inspiring.  But, how does it taste?

It pours a effervescent crystal clear deep gold.  It reminds me of Duvell without that signature marshmallow mouse head.  Immediately I can smell the grapes.  There’s a tart and musty aroma with earthy and wine like finish.  I actually think I’m smelling a wine.  I can sense a bit of that Belgian yeast character but I actually wish there was a little more.  I am a little worried because I see a similar body and color to the Festina Peche, one of my least favorite beers ever.  If this has as much tart as that beer it will be a big and expensive drain pour.  First sip…..AWESOME!  It’s got a big white wine punch up front and it fades to a tart twist of grapes and tannic bitterness.  Its light bodied and pretty highly carbonated.  It dances on your tongue and leaves you with a smack.  You could feed this beer to your snobby wine friends that look down there nose at you and look them right in the eye as they shake in fear and nod with respect.  You will know you’ve won.  And life is all about winning.

Back to the movie.  Acting seemed to take a vacation for parts of this film.  To say that some of the acting was forced is like saying that Glen Beck isn’t particularly fond of liberals.  But actually works.  There is some cool camera work (think the getting ready for work montage in Shawn of the Dead).  And the resident badass, Miller, has a better tough guy voice then Christian Bale and Rorschach.  Some of the special effects were pretty terrible, like the several times where machetes are obviously being pinned between the zombie’s stomach and arm.  Or punches that are thrown way in front of people and zombies.  But despite some bad special effects and some spotty acting there are still several compelling parts of the movie and in the end it’s just plain fun.  The movie is part of this “kick ass and have fun” era of budget zombie movies that is still churning out new and interesting films every year.  Do you need to see this movie…NO.  Should you see this movie…..yea I guess….if you want…..shit I don’t care.   Was it good?  Yea?  I think so?  I think I’ll have to leave this post with more question marks????????

The Beer:

Aroma – 11/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 9/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 3/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore –3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

The Dead Outside and Samuel Smith's Pure Brewed Lager

It’s not often I review a Pilsner or in this case a “Pale Euro Lager” but I came across a smoking deal and I’m a huge Samuel Smith’s fan.  Samuel Smith’s Old Brewery Pale Ale was a “life changing beer”.  I’m sure if you’re reading this blog you know what I mean.  It was the beer that changed the way you think about beer.  I’ve had a couple of these.  Sierra Nevada Pale Ale opened my eyes to craft beer and that addictive and painful plant we call hops.  Stone Ruination gave me a kick in the teeth and left me crying in the corner.  I had no idea beer could be that intense.  Flying Dog’s Gonzo Imperial Porter opened my eyes to dark viscous beers that send most to hide under the covers.  And then out of nowhere Samuel Smiths Old Brewery Pale Ale taught me the wonders of well crafted and well balanced simple ales.  Other Samuel Smith’s Ales have stirred up similar feels of respect and admiration.  And I believe Samuel Smith’s is the oldest brewery in England.  Having that thought in mind I dug out an English zombie movie that I have wanted to see for some time.  The Dead Outside is the film and the preview was really cool.  It was dark and pretty intense looking so I’m excited.

The film starts out with that professional looking grey hue.  There is the feel of dramatic indie dribble right from the start.  There’s no words for the first good chunk of the movie, just a guy running out of gas and making his way to a deserted farm house where he takes shelter.  Here he meets the female lead April.  The actress that play April has only one film in her IMDB database.  That should be sort of a tell all.  She is distrustful but not so much that she kicks the guy out of her house.  No she lets him stay the night and eventually (with no real reason) decides to let him stay around.  She whines and yells all the time.  And the guy just kind of mopes through.  If these characters were any more one dimensional they would be made out of construction paper.  She’s painted as sort of a loner badass with a delicate and unstable disposition.  Like a girl trying to be strong despite all her fears.  If you believe a word of what I just said then your trying as hard as I was to like this film.

There’s minimal scenes with actual zombies.  Most of the time it’s just arguing and yelling with this obnoxious English/Irish accent.  The plot is thrown at you as a monkey would throw its own shit.  It’s all over the place and with no real semblance of a plan.  So they deduce that she’s immune to the zombie plague because she’s able to bash zombies to death, get blood all over her skin, and not turn into one.  That to me isn’t a sure thing.  Also the guy is infected but taking meds so he won’t turn?  She finds out and wants him to stop taking them?  Come on people make this thing work.  Pull it together.  Shit I need a beer.

I turn my attention away from the riveting movie to open my Samuel Smiths.  One thing I love about the beer is the larger than normal bottle.  It’s a 550 ml bottle (18.5 oz for those of you not up on metric).  I pour the beer into my big 22oz pilsner glass.  It’s a bright clear gold with a nice foam head that reaches almost to the top of the glass.  It’s effervescent and clean looking.  The aroma is slightly grassy with faint fruit notes.  There’s a lager like cleanness that you can smell.  No diactle at all.  The aroma carries toasted cereal and slight hay to the nose.  The slightly fizzy lager has a smooth and very full mouthfeel for a lager.  It’s not thick by any means, instead it’s clean and crisp and well balanced.  The pale malt is complex and refreshing with an enjoyable grassy hop flavor and slight bitterness that lingers.  The Pale Lager is 5% abv giving it a slight edge over the common pale lager.  As always with Samuel Smiths beers I’m impressed with the well crafted and incredibly drinkable beer that they’re created.  I’m normally not a huge fan of English ales.  Most are too fruity and not hoppy or bitter enough for me.  Samuel Smith beers on the other hand I find incredibly drinkable and well crafted.  I wouldn’t venture too far into their offerings of imperial styles as these lack the American power and that full attack flavor, but their base offerings (lower alcohol styles) are incredible depictions of the styles they are modeled after.  Try a Samuel Smiths, try them all!

With a renewed strength and sense of purpose I’m able to continue through this giant flaming turd of a movie.  The more I think about it the angrier I get.  The preview looked good!  How can the movie be this disappointing?  A woman shows up trying to take refuge in the farm.  April lets her stay a few days then kicks her out.  I guess it was okay to keep the guy around but not some chick too.  No that’s too many mouths to feed from my giant farm.  The next part I had to rewind and watch twice as I was getting bored and drifting in and out.  From what I gather the girl decides to make tea for her last night on the farm.  She gives some to April who immediately passes out.  She wakes up in the back of a van all tied up.  I guess she wasn’t going as peacefully as she led on.  Then there’s a car crash and some more shit happens and basically people die and this movie sucked.  I’m glad this was a watch it now because I’m not going to spend money on such a shitty film.  Thanks for the shitty movie.  Three pints of fine English Lager couldn’t save this burning shit covered train wreck of a movie.  Thanks for wasting two hours.  Fuck you.

The Beer:

Aroma – 9/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 17/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 41/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 2/5

Plot – 1/5

Gore – 1/5

 Zombies – 1/5

  Overall – 1/5