Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Ninjas VS Zombies and Southern Tier Creme Brulee

I got a third straight night of zombie movies.  Lucky me and subsequetially.....lucky you.  It looks just terrible.  It reeks of sub par acting and bad CGI.  But the idea is so terrible, so stupid, so half drunk middle school sleepover that I must see it.  I went with what I can only imagine is another knock out beer from a kick ass brewery.  Southern Tier has cemented themselves in my top ten breweries in the country.  I think I've wrote before that if a brewery doesn't brew an imperial stout then they probably suck.  Here Southern Tier makes something like 4 or 5!  This looks like a serious dessert beer!
So the movie starts off by pissing me off.  This nerdy dude is holding a seance to bring back his dead brother.  Yes, the zombies are a result of magic.  There's reference to Dungeons and Dragons, and numerous poorly acted movie references.  Not only are the zombies a result of magic, but there's a king zombie that can talk, fight like a ninja, do magic, and control the zombies.  So Captain King Fucking Zombie (Eric) goes around eating people's souls (not the people themselves......just the soul) in the most corny and overacted way possible.  The movie drags for the first bit trying to do some character development.  Each person is unique in the way that they're all sort of the same and someone you think you might know.  The dialog is absolutely terrible.'s sort of growing on me......and I sort of like it.  Things are starting to heat up and I'm warming up to this terrible movie.
So I pour the beer into the snifter and it's dark black.  It's thick and viscous and browns out at the edges.  It leaves a thick brown head that floats like melted marshmallows.  The first sniff is intoxicating!  I can't believe how much this smells like real Creme Brulee!!!  There's sweet vanilla and burnt sugar dripping over chocolaty notes and rich cream.  It's like your about to drink a gourmet milkshake.
 (Picture thanks to!)
The flavor matches.  It's smooth and creamy with a thick mouthfeel.  It's oily and slick and screams milkfat.  It's loaded with lactose that's for sure, giving it a sweetness that lingers long after your finished sipping.  Their is layer after layer of goodness here.  Vanilla and burnt sugar, layers of caramel and frothy cream, then your hit by the slightest acceptable bitterness and the coffee and chocolate notes from all that malt.  I also happened to have some 64% cacao nibs from our local chocolate shop.  The bitter of the chocolate mixed with the sweet of the beer to create a flavor more powerful than the both.  Don't buy Riesling or port wine.  Don't break out some dessert liquor.  Buy this beer and slap it in the fridge.  It can also be drizzled over high quality vanilla ice cream for a super beer treat.  This beer is one sided and not very drinkable.  But it's exactly what it means to be;  a cap at the end of the night, a finish to a holiday spend gorging yourself and watching football.  It's a beautiful beast and deserves all of our respect.
So the more I watch this movie the more I love it!  But, before I tell you why I love this movie let me tell you a little bit more about why I hate it.  The dialog is horrible.  Especially the guy who summons his brother.  I think his name in the movie was Randal but I think we should just call him wizard boy.  He's so terrible.  But it's so terrible it's awesome.  There's a lot of references to other movies; Army of darkness, Evil Dead, Star Wars, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just to name a few.  I hate the fake CGI fireballs that wizard boy and his brother king fucking zombie hurl at each other in the final battle scene.  I hate the way that king fucking zombie overacts every single line and every expression.  He comes off so cocky and talentless that it's hard not to hate him.  The fight scenes are terrible and soooo slow.  All that being said this is probably the BEST B rate zombie movie I own.  It's an all around instant favorite.  Why?  Because it's original, and it's funny.  It feels like you made the movie with a group of your friends and as you watch it your reliving the good times.  Unlike Living a Zombie Dream and I, Zombie which are so bad....they're terrible, this one is so's awesome!!!!  I would go ahead and say this should go on your must see list.  It's even got a squeal out "Ninjas Versus Vampires".  I am not a fan of vampire movies but i might have to make an exception for this one.
Even if you don't like imperial stouts and b rate horror (which i find hard to believe) you should still buy this beer and rent this movie.  Because even if you don't love it, in fact even if you hate it, i guarantee they will be unforgettable!

The Beer:
Aroma – 12/12
Appearance – 3/3
Taste – 18/20
Palate – 4/5 
   Overall – 9/10
Total = 46/50

The Movie:
Production – 2/5
Plot – 2/5
Gore – 2/5
 Zombies – 2/5
  Overall – 2/5


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