Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Dead Outside and Samuel Smith's Pure Brewed Lager

It’s not often I review a Pilsner or in this case a “Pale Euro Lager” but I came across a smoking deal and I’m a huge Samuel Smith’s fan.  Samuel Smith’s Old Brewery Pale Ale was a “life changing beer”.  I’m sure if you’re reading this blog you know what I mean.  It was the beer that changed the way you think about beer.  I’ve had a couple of these.  Sierra Nevada Pale Ale opened my eyes to craft beer and that addictive and painful plant we call hops.  Stone Ruination gave me a kick in the teeth and left me crying in the corner.  I had no idea beer could be that intense.  Flying Dog’s Gonzo Imperial Porter opened my eyes to dark viscous beers that send most to hide under the covers.  And then out of nowhere Samuel Smiths Old Brewery Pale Ale taught me the wonders of well crafted and well balanced simple ales.  Other Samuel Smith’s Ales have stirred up similar feels of respect and admiration.  And I believe Samuel Smith’s is the oldest brewery in England.  Having that thought in mind I dug out an English zombie movie that I have wanted to see for some time.  The Dead Outside is the film and the preview was really cool.  It was dark and pretty intense looking so I’m excited.
The film starts out with that professional looking grey hue.  There is the feel of dramatic indie dribble right from the start.  There’s no words for the first good chunk of the movie, just a guy running out of gas and making his way to a deserted farm house where he takes shelter.  Here he meets the female lead April.  The actress that play April has only one film in her IMDB database.  That should be sort of a tell all.  She is distrustful but not so much that she kicks the guy out of her house.  No she lets him stay the night and eventually (with no real reason) decides to let him stay around.  She whines and yells all the time.  And the guy just kind of mopes through.  If these characters were any more one dimensional they would be made out of construction paper.  She’s painted as sort of a loner badass with a delicate and unstable disposition.  Like a girl trying to be strong despite all her fears.  If you believe a word of what I just said then your trying as hard as I was to like this film.
There’s minimal scenes with actual zombies.  Most of the time it’s just arguing and yelling with this obnoxious English/Irish accent.  The plot is thrown at you as a monkey would throw its own shit.  It’s all over the place and with no real semblance of a plan.  So they deduce that she’s immune to the zombie plague because she’s able to bash zombies to death, get blood all over her skin, and not turn into one.  That to me isn’t a sure thing.  Also the guy is infected but taking meds so he won’t turn?  She finds out and wants him to stop taking them?  Come on people make this thing work.  Pull it together.  Shit I need a beer.
I turn my attention away from the riveting movie to open my Samuel Smiths.  One thing I love about the beer is the larger than normal bottle.  It’s a 550 ml bottle (18.5 oz for those of you not up on metric).  I pour the beer into my big 22oz pilsner glass.  It’s a bright clear gold with a nice foam head that reaches almost to the top of the glass.  It’s effervescent and clean looking.  The aroma is slightly grassy with faint fruit notes.  There’s a lager like cleanness that you can smell.  No diactle at all.  The aroma carries toasted cereal and slight hay to the nose.  The slightly fizzy lager has a smooth and very full mouthfeel for a lager.  It’s not thick by any means, instead it’s clean and crisp and well balanced.  The pale malt is complex and refreshing with an enjoyable grassy hop flavor and slight bitterness that lingers.  The Pale Lager is 5% abv giving it a slight edge over the common pale lager.  As always with Samuel Smiths beers I’m impressed with the well crafted and incredibly drinkable beer that they’re created.  I’m normally not a huge fan of English ales.  Most are too fruity and not hoppy or bitter enough for me.  Samuel Smith beers on the other hand I find incredibly drinkable and well crafted.  I wouldn’t venture too far into their offerings of imperial styles as these lack the American power and that full attack flavor, but their base offerings (lower alcohol styles) are incredible depictions of the styles they are modeled after.  Try a Samuel Smiths, try them all!
With a renewed strength and sense of purpose I’m able to continue through this giant flaming turd of a movie.  The more I think about it the angrier I get.  The preview looked good!  How can the movie be this disappointing?  A woman shows up trying to take refuge in the farm.  April lets her stay a few days then kicks her out.  I guess it was okay to keep the guy around but not some chick too.  No that’s too many mouths to feed from my giant farm.  The next part I had to rewind and watch twice as I was getting bored and drifting in and out.  From what I gather the girl decides to make tea for her last night on the farm.  She gives some to April who immediately passes out.  She wakes up in the back of a van all tied up.  I guess she wasn’t going as peacefully as she led on.  Then there’s a car crash and some more shit happens and basically people die and this movie sucked.  I’m glad this was a watch it now because I’m not going to spend money on such a shitty film.  Thanks for the shitty movie.  Three pints of fine English Lager couldn’t save this burning shit covered train wreck of a movie.  Thanks for wasting two hours.  Fuck you.
The Beer:
Aroma – 9/12
Appearance – 3/3
Taste – 17/20
Palate – 4/5 
   Overall – 8/10
Total = 41/50

The Movie:
Production – 2/5
Plot – 1/5
Gore – 1/5
 Zombies – 1/5
  Overall – 1/5


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