Flight of the Living Dead and Southern Tier Jah*va

Southern Tier is the Rocky Balboa of breweries.  Located in Whogivesashit, NY this little giant is fighting against all odds to pump out their premium brew.  Just when you think they're going to get knocked the F out they come back and beat some Russian ass.  Years ago I tried a poorly handled Belgian Tripel I bought at a "shady as hell" Salisbury, MA liquor store.  I believe it was called XXX (not the Midnight Sun one).  It was at the beginning of my beer drinking days so I wasn't the polished uber nerd I am now.  However, checking the website there is no sign of it so maybe it was a onetime dud.  But that beer gave me a serious aversion to anything Southern Tier until I tried their Oak Aged Unearthed IIPA.  POW POW!  I was back against the ropes as sip after sip of sweet malt and unabashed hoppy flavor kicked my ass.  Southern Tier, TKO, you win.  Okay enough boxing references.

Here's a picture of the expanded brewerey.  They're pumping out more beer than ever trying to meet the high demand for thier product.  Unearthed and oak aged unearthed are worth the $10 all day long.

My wife has been craving Espresso Oak Aged Yeti for almost a year now but it's nowhere to be found.  As a substitute I grabbed Southern Tier's Jah*va Imperial Coffee Stout.  I poured us a couple of snifters and put on a zombie movie.  Flight of the Living Dead!  With her snifter 2/3 of the way full of thick black beauty she excused herself from the undead carnage that I was about to witness.  (She doesn't have the stomach for that much awesome).  I read through the label of the beer as the movie starts and I’m happy to see that they're using high grade Jamaican coffee roasted locally!  Now alcohol ranges depending on where you look.  I'm not going to dig the bottle out of the recycling but I believe it was 11%.  (The websites say anything from 10.8-12% depending on year).  It looks all of 12% with a deep black hue with a brown fluffy head that breathes deep roasted malts and tons of coffee.  This beer is highly aromatic with caramel and something like rich chocolate covered bacon (a hint of bacon).  I wish i had this beer as a scented candle, that's not weird is it?

This beer is perfect for this movie in the way that any strong beer would pair nicely with this movie.  You need to be a little liquored up to truly appreciate this movie.  The beer is so delicious and so strong that by the time I get through previews and credits I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm filled with the satisfying sloshing of a beer that is so good it brings tears to my eye.  It's full and rich and covers the tongue with its oily resins.  The flavor is powerful with bit hits of roasted coffee and caramel.  There's this little lingering bitterness at the end of each sip which is similar to a pat on the ass after a great play.  That a boy!  This beer is so malty you almost have to chew it.  And the alcohol warms on the way down and really settles the spirit.  I feel like I should be wearing a velvet robe next to a fire.  Buy this beer.

Here's a look at the zombie women of this movie!

There was really only one thing missing from this movie.  That's my friend the autopilot!

Flight of the Living Dead is one of the best straight to DVD zombie movies I own.  What an accolade to achieve.  "Best straight to DVD zombie movie".  It's got some decent actors Kristen Kerr looks like one of those women who's in other movies you've seen...but she's not...other than Old School.  Kevin J. O'connor was the brother in There Will Be Blood and also starred in one of my favorite films Deep Rising!  There's also that creepy guy from the Mummy.  He really gives me the creeps.

After snakes on a plane somebody had to release a spin off and zombies seemed like a reasonable alteration.  Changes snakes for zombies.....new movie?  Sort of.  A couple of

The Beer:

Aroma – 12/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

Total = 45/50

The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 5/5

Zombies – 4/5 

  Overall – 4/5

The Mad and Rogue Dead Guy

Before I can review this movie I have to tell you the story about why this means so much to me.  But before I can tell you that story I need to tell you another story.  The story of the Jack Bull.  In this movie John Cusack loses his wife, his farm, everything he owns, including his own life in order to get repaid the two horses that were mistreated by a wealthy landowner.  The story showed the length a man was willing to go to in order to defend what is right.  It’s a story of justice and obsession.

Now my story.....

In March of 2010 I received an FYE gift card, which I later spent buying three used DVDs online.  Because I lived in Alaska they could not ship to me and I had to have them sent to family in Massachusetts who then paid to have them shipped to me.  Everything worked out okay until they came in the mail.  "The Mad" was missing.  The case was there, but the DVD was not.  Shhhhhiiiiitttttyyyyy.  I called FYE and they wanted me to ship the case back and “eventually I would get reimbursed”.  They said they would send me a new DVD, but not to Alaska where I was living because they don’t ship to Alaska.  Instead they wanted me to ship it to Massachusetts again where my family would have to pay again to have DVDs shipped.  This was a cost and inconvenience that I was not willing to endure.  I told FYE that this extra trip all the way to the post office and the extra money spent was all due to the fact that FYE had not shipped me the DVD in the first place.  I told them to ship it to AK and endure the extra dollar as compensation for the frustration caused trying to negotiate.  In the meantime i spent hours researching the evil nature of FYE and the following were all things i've found.

Notice the armband.....that's strange FYE.  I don't seem to remember this on your website.

I knew you were evil, but i didn't think you were training satan's army in the pits of hell evil.....that's not cool.

Cobra Kai?  Or is it Cobra Fye?

At this point an honest company would have shipped the DVD.  But not FYE.  Those bloodthirsty sons of whores strung me out for 6 months with dozens of e mails and repeated phone calls that were never returned.  So I took it up to the boss.  Corporate FYE (Transworld) would now bear the brunt of my fury.  They were highly apologetic and promised a 25$ gift certificate to compensate the trouble I had been caused.  The catch….the DVD would be sent to The Commonwealth.  I decided it was worth the ten bucks I would throw to my dad for rerouting the DVD to me.  But the gift certificate and DVD never came.  FYE claimed to have no record of the event in the system.  Transworld then claimed the same thing.  Then I broke.  I sent a scathing e mail where I demanded to know whether FYE was deeply evil…or horribly stupid.  I stole the comment from The Daily Show but it fit well.  I told them if they were not as evil as I thought they were then they were STUPID.  I mean potatoes with mouths.  That one got me a returned phone call and then 14 months later, after all of the fighting and disappointment, The Mad came in the mail.  The following is my review.

Without a doubt, one of my favorite actors of all time is Billy Zane.  The guy embodies the meaning of the word diversity.  He’s not only been in every hack-job low budget horror movie in the last 15 years, but he’s also been on such serious dramas as; Murder She Wrote, Back to the Future, Titanic, and the mantastic Tombstone.  My movie watching life changed when I was 11 and saw Tails From the Crypt: Demon Night.  Life changing!  Anyway this is a funny movie with a serious actor.  From start to finish it’s as if they take the entire movie and overact it around Billy Zane.  There is crazy blood squirting and “Doghouse” looking zombies using tools but somehow Billy stays cool.  Not cool in a Clooney in From Dusk till Dawn but more of a cool like…..well no one else does cool like Billy Zane.  It’s cool like Billy Zane.  Billy plays Jason Hunt, a widowed father of one on vacation with his girlfriend, daughter, and her boyfriend in cow town New York.  While eating at a local po-dunk restaurant that serves local “organic” burgers everyone turns into zombies or as Billy so elegantly puts it “Mad cow people”. Damn cows.

I am drinking a cliché beer tonight.  I got a case for $24 at Costco.  Rouge Dead Guy Ale!  It’s featured on numerous zombie movies.  The only one I can think of off the bat is Awaken the Dead but I’m going to make it my new task to find all Zombie movies with a Dead Guy cameo.  It’s a wonderfully clean beer.  It’s also the first Maibock that I’ve reviewed.  It sits at 6.6% ABV and 40 IBUs.  I used my Dead Guy pint glass to showcase this beer.  It’s a light amber color with a small off white head that dissipates pretty quickly (although I will admit I didn’t get a great pour).  The aroma is very mild and delicate; light caramel, soft sweetness, slight hint of hops and some stone like neutral yeastiness (yeastiness amazingly a real word).  The flavor is fantastic.  It’s wonderful as an easy go to beer with plenty of body and character to fill the glass.  There are big splashes of grapes and some dried fig layered over a nice fluffy malt cake.  No husky bitterness here.  All smooth fruity beer goodness.  There is a definite lager aftertaste that lingers on the back of the tongue with a gentle bitterness and almost sour tang.  It’s got a medium body despite the slightly higher alcohol level and is very drinkable.  Well crafted Rouge.  Well done!

Billy Zane steals the show in this slightly boring and very predictable zombie flick.  It’s similar in nature to Dead Meat.  Cows are to blame!  The cows and all the steak eating red necks that industrialize the farming industry.  If you think there was a slightly leftist, hippy, vegetarian war cry with this movie….your right.  This movie did something no zombie movie has done before.  Instead of having zombies as the enemy, the meat itself could eat you. Zombie hamburgers were eating people in this movie.  Weird!  There were a couple of great scenes in this movie.  It’s as if the director understood that there were several holes in the plot so he decided to throw in a couple of random group discussion scenes to clear things up.  Overall there wasn’t a lot of zombie ripping scenes but there still manages to have a big bloody appeal.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 8/10

TOTAL= 41/50

 The Movie:

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  TOTAL – 3/5

An Unusual Review and Elysian The Wise ESB

 The Zed Word was kind enough to put up a comment with a couple of very relevant short films with the combined theme of Zombies and Beer.  How perfect!  Elysian ESB just happened to be in my fridge for this impromptu review.

I'll admit I'm not as familiar with ESB's as i would like to be.  I've only drank 4 or 5 different kinds before.  That being said I love "the idea" of an ESB.  A pumped up version of the classic English ale.  The bitter was the beer of the people and i think I've always romanticized the beer a bit.  I open the bomber and pour it into a normal pint glass.  I figure this is probably the most appropriate glass.  It's a fairly dark amber color with a cream colored head that fizzles away after a few minutes leaving moderate lacing.  First sniffs are way more American than i expected.  It's The Ramones instead of the Sex Pistols.....similar, but different.  Instead of earthy and flowery I'm getting passion fruit and tangerine.  Not something i expected.  There is some biscuit malt aroma there but this beer hop leaning.  I believe we call that a pale ale instead of an ESB but i don't want to judge prematurely.  The first sip however is ESB.  Here is where the rubber meets the road.  There is a full earthy hop flavor mixed perfectly with a light husky maltiness.  This beer is well balanced with a medium low mouth feel and a clean finish.  I can see why the English are so damn classy.  This beer is better than the monkey exhibit at the zoo.  Overall this beer is very drinkable and very pleasing.  It's complex enough to satisfy the sophisticated tongue while being easy enough for a warm evening beverage.  If you haven't gotten a chance to try the Elysian beers your missing out.

Now for the short films.  Film #1 Keg of the Dead is an interesting take on zombies and frat houses.  Due to the fact i didn't attend a normal college i cannot attest to the accuracy of the fraternity members herein.  However i can attest to the accuracy of the zombies.  Pretty awesome.  For a low budget youtube video this is pretty sweet.  A pizza delivery guy goes to a frat house and delivers some pizzas but because he was late he doesn't get paid.  Wait wait wait.......oh no......zombies (for no reason!).  Pizza guy tries to fight them off and finds that beer kills them.  Do frat guys listen........noooooooooooooo they become zombie food, the whole time chanting "DELTA MASTER BETA" which strangely enough sounds like masturbator.  he he....masturbator....he he.  Geeky pizza guy packs the keg on his back and goes to town killing zombies.  End of movie.  Short...sweet....awesome....and something that seems achievable.  It was fun and i'm glad i saw it.

Film #2 Zombeer.  WOW.  Holy horshit batman.  I loved it.  I loved every second of it.  It's what short films were meant to be.  Short and to the point.  I'll sum it up in one sentence.

A fat guy falls into a brewing tank and not only becomes a zombie but also infects all of the beer that is shipped out.

How's that?  The effects were actually pretty good and the characters were funny.  I love when people just add a gaggle of Asians to a movie.  It could have been a gaggle of Australians or maybe Africans but instead for some reason Asians seem to be the ultimate tourist.  Just an observation.

The Beer:

Aroma – 7/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 16/20

Palate – 4/5 

   Overall – 7/10

Total = 37/50

The Movie (Keg of the Dead):

Production – 2/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 3/5

  Overall – 3/5

The Movie (Zombeer):

Production – 4/5

Plot – 3/5

Gore – 3/5

Zombies – 4/5

  Overall – 3.5/5

Beeradvocate the Unruly Tyrant

So yesterday I experienced the greatest amount of traffic in the history of my blog.  It was all due to the fact that I placed a post on Beeradvocate.com.  I love the site and I’ve used it for years.  I didn’t think there was any problem with me putting in a plug for my site.  I got lots of great replies and people seemed to like it.  But two hours later when I went to check on progress……..it was deleted!!!!  Part of me understands that using their site to promote my own could be seen as bad but there’s more to it than that.  If I was Ratebeer.com using beeradvocate to springboard then yes I get it bad bad bad.  But mine is a site that can live happily beside the still very relevant and super awesome beeradvocate.com.  The man can’t keep me down.  If you like the site then sign up as a follower and you’ll get a notification when there are new posts.

It's pretty sad that less than an hour on beeradvocate had that much of a spike.  I'm secretly plotting my revenge.  Feel free to comment with any good ideas you have for revenge.  They need to be firm but not overly illegal.

Zombies of Mass Destruction and Elysian Loser Pale Ale

Corporate movies suck!  Yes that's right.  I know it's hard to make big sweeping statements like that but for the most part it's true!  When you look at the powerhouse films of the zombie genre almost all of them are indie or low budget films.  Even 28 Days Later is considered relatively low budget.  In that spirit i decided to watch Zombies of Mass Destruction.  This political comedy takes low budget gore and a lot of well meaning enthusiasm and crams it into a feature film.  And what beer would I pair this indie gem with.......LOSER Pale Ale.  This beer, brewed by Elysian Brewing Company here in Seattle, is a strong, kick ass pale ale.  It's brewed as a tribute to Sub Pop Records (Nirvana anyone) who helped bring the underground to the mainstream (thus destroying the underground....a topic better covered by a blog other than this one).  I feel that this beer would be perfect mate for this movie and I'm seldom wrong.

I am not a huge fan of these horrorfest films.  The "8 films to die for" series is okay at best.  But then every once in a while a good one comes along.  This movie has a professional feel with decent production value!  Which is good because shaky camera and inaudible dialog gets old quick.  This movie is classified as a political comedy.  It's an hour and a half of fist shaking at the right wing conservatives and religious crazies, which is tough if you’re looking to pitch to a big audience.  They try and balance it out with a short blurb at the end to make fun of superlibs, but a one liner about liberals with guns doesn't exactly balance out an entire movie of elephant bashing.  I'm not complaining......I'm observing.  The film is pretty captivating with three separate sub stories combining into one hell of an indie film.

The first story is of this peaceful flower child who is running for Mayor against the incumbent, a polished conservative white male with a plastic smile.

The second story is of a first generation Iranian girl (Frita) and her adventures as post 9/11 Muslim.  Dark skin (check).....funny name (check).....terrorist (hmmmm)?  That's the haunting question this film will ask.

Story number three is a couple of big city gays (Tom and Lance) who go back to the island so Tom can come out of the closet to his mom.  Hilarity and a lot of oral servicing jokes result.  Apparently no fruit is too low hanging for the writers of this bad boy.

With a pop of a cap and a quick pour i am filled with this feeling of reassurance.  There's a soft warm hand on my shoulder letting me know everything is going to be okay.  That's what this beer is.  LOSER is anything but.  It's the biggest pale ale I’ve ever seen at 7% abv.  "Well isn't that an IPA zombiebrew?"  You are so ignorant.  I can't believe you're smart enough to plug in your computer never mind actually navigating the world wide web and actually READ something.  NO THIS IS NOT AN IPA!  Just taste it.  It's the most elegant and distinguished of all the pale ales.  Yes it's not in style but that doesn't make it any less of a pale ale.  Let me recreate my LOSER experience.

After a quick peak at the color of the beer in the bottle I pop the cap and take my first sneaky sniff to get those most volatile hop aromas (I'm going to start calling them hope aromas).  It's this fluttering flowery hop aroma with warm sweet baked bread.  I quickly pour into my Great Divide tulip glass and admire.  It's a full and bright orangey amber color with this thick light tan head softer than a baby's ass.  It's not overpowering like an IPA.  It's not a punch in the face........it's a closed door Asian massage.  It's got the sweet smell of orange, lemon, and warm caramel almost like a cow tail!  Then the taste just blows me away.  It's malt driven with a full and smooth mouth feel.  There's just enough bitterness to gently nudge you with a smile.  Those 57 IBUs must be all late addition hops.  The lingering sweetness is pleasant and 7% abv warms the bottom of the belly.  This beer was shocking as I have traditionally low expectations of Pale Ales.  It's a gateway beer to bigger and better things.  Unlike the brutal mouth assault of a Stone Ruination, Elysian's LOSER is a sweet candle lit love making with cuddling at the end.

The movie on the other hand is not as gentle.  There's wildly patriotic American men torturing 1st generation Iranian college girls, Priests with their own special rehabilitation (torture) to homosexuals, and weed whacker zombie carnage.  Honestly it's awesome.  As a recovering Catholic I found the church scenes especially funny.  The two hour services, the declaration of Unitarians as #1 on God's hit list, the intolerance of "the gays", and exercising the right to bear arms while in the lords house all tickled me.  Although, i can see how some people might not find it quite as funny.

The acting at times was sometimes really forced or really awkward.  Especially the scene where Frita is talking to her boyfriend in the car.  Not only is it not very believable (even for a zombie movie) but her boyfriend is just a horrific actor.  He is absolutely appalling.  But more upsetting than that is the awkward conversation between our two gay guys.  When Tom comes out of the closet he goes from terrified to tell his mom to yelling "I suck dick mom" in just a few seconds.  Not normal.

But acting aside this movie was fun.  Killing zombies with a weed whacker was gory and fun.  Frita's father's ability to rip a head off of a fresh zombie was ridicules but enjoyable.  And the boyfriend's face getting ripped off inspiring.  Well done.  But nothing says "I’m pushing all the boundaries" like killing children.  Zombies of Mass Destruction went there.  This little girl grabs Frita and Frita promises she'll be safe and she's going to take care of her.  Not two seconds later as they try to cross the street the little girl is hit by a speeding car sending everything be the arm Frita was holding flying out of the scene.  Now that shows some balls.  Don't worry, don't worry, the little girl comes back..........AS AN ARMLESS ZOMBIE!!!!!! HAAHAHAHAH

Overall I really enjoyed the movie and suggest it for anybody that finds it and as far as the beer goes, if you don't try it your depriving yourself of an hour of full bliss.  Sip with care.  Oh and Fuck ratebeer who only have them a 75 overall and a 66 in style.  You blow.

The Beer:

Aroma – 10/12

Appearance – 3/3

Taste – 18/20

Palate – 5/5 

   Overall – 9/10

TOTAL= 45/50

  

The Movie:

Production – 3.5/5

Plot – 4/5

Gore – 3/5

 Zombies – 3/5

  TOTAL – 3.5/5