Sunday, October 30, 2011

Beast Within and Old Viscosity

This movie was a $2 buy that i haven't been that excited about.  The cover indicates that is a mix between Zombie 5:  Killing Birds and Day of the Dead (2008 Remake).  Meaning it's a cross between zombie birds (i hate zombie birds) and overly mutated zombies.  After a bit of googling it has two titles.  The other is "Virus Undead".  I decided not to go in alone.  I started with a bottle of Obsidian, chased it with a bottle of Old Rasputin, and before the opening credits were finished was popping the Old Viscosity.  A name like Old Viscosity is not likely to attract a novice beer drinker who is weary about stouts.  But for someone like me who is always looking for a high octane tongue stomper, it's perfect.
The movie starts off with some doctor talking about mutated avian flu (bird flu) and already I hate it.  The birds swoop in though the skylight and peck the doctors eyes out.  A nice thank you!  Oh doc thanks so much for curing the worst plague to ravage our species let us thank you by EATING YOUR FUCKING EYES!!!!  Birds, the nerve!  Don't worry because the plot moves from birds to humans pretty quickly.  It's amazing how terrible script is on this.  I don't want to blame the actors because it can't be all their fault.  Every character is just this terrible archtype.  For example the cop is the typical small town cop.  Pulls up to a fight and has a doughnut hanging out of his mouth, needs to put his club back into his belt, and gets pissed at this kid that left the small town to go to medical school.  "How dare you go to be a doctor, you could stay here and be a cop like me."  Okay he didn't say it but the dialog wasn't much better.  Who gets mad because someone moves out of their town.  I don't give a shit who comes and goes.  The bully is mad because our hero dated his girlfriend 10 years ago in high school.  With not a lot going on he still holds the grudge.  Just go down the line with all the typical characters; the trashy girl, the player, the nerd, the sweet girl, the bully, his subordinate minions.  It's all there covered in cheese.  Suddenly I feel like i need a drink.
The appeal of a viscous rich dark ale is something that takes some warming up to, especially if you drink it at cellar temperature like a real beer drinker would.  And i'm not some broke ass frat boy looking to guzzle yellow piss cellar temp it is.  I pour this thick black son of a bitch into my sparkling clean 22oz snifter and it foams up a dark brown three finger head.  It's aroma is similar to Obsidian but softer and richer at the same time.  There's the dominant roasted malts, with roasted coffee and dark coffee.  The aroma is calming and wonderful but not overpowering.  It's soft but rich!  The flavor is superb.  First the thick oily liquid covers my tongue with a lightly carbonated  slap and it jumps right into the malt.  More dark maltiness where grain fights grain for the most dominant in the beer.  It's a wonderful collaboration of the biskety malt flavors, dark roasted malts, and an warm alcohol finish that leaves the drinker in a state of beer bliss.  With the rest of the bottle smiling at me invitingly i delve back into my film.
As our three main characters stop off at a gas station there's a lot of angry bird (not the game) foreshadowing and some sexual intercourse foreshadowing as well.  Yea our three heroes are on their way to our lead actors father's estate.  He's going to sort things out after the untimely death.  They decide to invite two gas station women to the estate they've never seen before for some sort of "my dad's dead make out party".  Shit starts getting really bad when the town bully shows up to dish out some pain.  He turns into a zombie!!!!  I forget the order but people are having sex, people are fighting zombies, and then someone gets bitten.  They do the token zombie movie mistake of keeping him around until they can find a cure.  Then pretty much everyone dies.  Accept for our hero who allowed his girlfriend to sacrifice herself so he could continue fighting friend zombie on the mansion tower.....classy classy classy.
Overall the movie  was only mostly shitty.  It's saved by the decent special effects and plenty of zombie action.  While i'm not a fan of the cross species zombie virus (dogs in resident evil, birds in several other movies) i think it almost works.  The beer (okay beers) makes this movie bearable and could be the sole reason that this movie is a 3 and not 2.5 zombie hands.  I don't see this one getting many more watches but it's in my collection so......i don't know.  It's there?

The Beer:
Aroma – 9/12
Appearance – 3/3
Taste – 16/20
Palate – 4/5 
   Overall – 7/10
TOTAL= 39/50

 The Movie:
Production – 4/5
Plot – 2/5
Gore – 3/5
 Zombies – 3/5
  TOTAL – 3/5


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  2. Thanks Gites!!! I appreciate it. I've been a little slow to post recently but rest assured i will start up again very soon.