Monday, April 2, 2012

Quarantine 2 and Southern Tier's Oak Aged Unearthly Imperial IPA

 (While walking through the DVD section of a Barnes and Noble with my family)

Me: Oh wow!  I didn’t know Quarantine had a sequel!!!......and already on DVD?.....I didn’t hear about it going to theaters.
Wife:  Maybe because it’s too awesome for theaters.
Me:  I think I’m going to get it.
Wife:  How much is it?
(here I bend low to the bottom shelf to take a closer inspection of the sticker)
Me:  Holy shit TWENTY SIX dollars!!!!
Wife:  There’s always santa.
My son: Santa!  Oh I love Santa.  Santa’s always good.
Me:  Oh yea?
My son:  Yeah…Santa make me so….so…..SO happy!
Me:   Me too.
Three months later Santa came through like Regan for Iranian Hostages.  I had my two favorite gifts under the tree; zombie movies and beer!  There was a pair of sequels; REC 2 and Quarantine 2, oh joy!  It was a few weeks later before I found a free night to drink and watch the carnage by myself.  I sat down with a big bomber of an absolute favorite of mine, Southern Tier’s Unearthed Oak Aged Imperial IPA!
The movie begins and I’m immediately confused.  I expected this film to be done in the same fashion as the first one, but it’s not!  I expected a shaky hand held camera.  Instead they start off with a half shaky/half not transition to a normal shot movie?  It was like the director said “okay people are going to be expecting shaky so go ahead and don’t wear your camera straps and just sort of floppy floppy through the set for a while.”  The result…..terrible!  The acting is absolutely atrocious.  These people need to be taken out and shot.  Were these homeless people who acted for sandwiches?  Really people?  Really?  This movie is just patched together pieces of other movies?  It’s Flight of the Living Dead with a dash of Resident Evil: Degradation and a hint of every zombie movie you’ve ever seen before only worse.
The opening attack scene is the worst for me.  A big fat guy (always funny right?) gets bit by some lab rats in another passenger’s luggage.  During the flight he falls ill and eventually turns into a frothy mouthed maniac.  But in a most unbelievable manner the guy gets up and rushes the cockpit.  At which point it takes several people to restrain him.  Then he slams his face into a steward’s and she goes all coma on us and eventually gets infected (from a rage infected head butt?).  It’s so horrible and such a letdown that I find myself desperately grasping at the bottle beside me.  I need something to take the edge off this terrible movie and I need it quick.
Within seconds I have the top off of the Unearthly and I pour the clear copper/light brown liquid into my small snifter.  I dive in quickly.  I don’t even take the traditional first and second pre-sip smell.  Two gulps in and it hits me.  There’s a smooth but forceful bitterness that pokes at my tongue and slows my rate of swallow.  This is a sipping beer and it’s letting me know that.  The taste is unbelievable.  I’m hit all at once by the massive American hop burst.  It’s lemon grass and grapefruit, but with a pronounced malt background of caramel malts, vanilla, soft toasted oak and flowers.  The label says that it's 11% abv but fails to tell the exact IBU count.....shame.  The malts used are 2-row pale, cara-pils, and red wheat.  They added hops in 3 various stages; kettle hops (chinook & cascade), hop back (styrian golding), and dry hopped (cascade, centenial, & chinook).  I believe it because there is a LOT of hop flavor in this beer.  Now I take the time to properly smell this masterpiece.  It’s pleasant and not overpowering.  With some Imperial IPAs they really hit you, this one doesn’t.  It gently coaxes you into doing things you didn’t think you were comfortable doing….figuratively of course.  I take another sip and this time I pinpoint that delightful oak flutter.  That is the thread that really ties this beer together for me.  It’s slightly to moderately oily with nice resiny sticky pull.  There’s a bite at the back end of it.  The beer has medium carbonation and a slightly heavy mouthfeel that keeps you sipping and feeling satisfied.  I could drink this beer for dinner.  What a beauty.  I think I just drooled on my keyboard.
Back to this awful shit show of a movie.  Despite my best efforts to remain non biased I can’t help but let my disappointment leech into this review.  I expected more of Quarantine not a completely different movie with a variation of the original title.  The only thing that connects this film to the first is the main character who pretends to be an innocent passenger on the flight until he’s revealed as the man who started the virus in the first movie.  He was transporting the virus via his lab rats to be dispersed through the US.  The special effects are terrible and then they use terrible camera effects to try and pull off the same shit that other movies have.  Like when they’re going through the ducts using night vision (which for some reason shows grey scale) just like they did in 28 Weeks Later.  This movie is nothing more than a mosaic of all the movies that have come before it.  Don’t waste your money.
The Beer:
Aroma – 10/12
Appearance – 3/3
Taste – 18/20
Palate – 4/5 
   Overall – 8/10
Total = 43/50

The Movie:
Production – 3/5
Plot – 3/5
Gore – 3/5
Zombies – 3/5
  Overall – 3/5


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