Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dead and Breakfast and Leffe Blonde

So I felt like a silly movie tonight.  And for that I know none better than Dead and Breakfast.  This was one of those movies I never heard about until I saw the box in a used bin at FYE.  What a gamble that is.  I dropped the seven bucks and rolled the dice.  The result……awesome.  There are a lot of familiar faces in this movie.  None of them are worth remembering names but they’re all people you know.  That guy from Suicide Kings and the neighbor from Office Space.  The premise is that a rag tag group of friends is traveling though Texas to get to their friends wedding in Galveston.  They get lost on the way and decide to rest for the night it in the little town of Lovelock.  It seems nice enough.  Don’t they all.  In the B&B of David Carradine death rules all.  That’s not from the movie I made that up.  The owner of the B+B kept his dead sons soul in a little wooden box that gets opened.  His kids soul does what all souls do.  It possessed the bodies of the living and made them into bloodthirsty monsters. Boom.

Be careful when snooping around someone's B+B.  Because THIS......

Can lead to THIS!!!!!
The beer i decided to get tonight is a fan favorite every time i break it out.  Leffe Blonde!  Now before i start i want to say that i do have a problem drinking this beer.  Ever since i found out that it's owned by none other than (da da DA!!!) Budweiser!  After watching beer wars i did some extensive googleing to find out if there was some truth in this.  Check the link below for more of the story.

I'm not against all corporations.  Far from it.  Some things are just better left to the small guys.  Beer is a business sure, but it's also an art.  I wouldn't want Target making my music or writing my books so i sure as hell don't want them brewing my beer.  It's like your favorite punk band signing to Madonna's record label and turning out synth pop, it feels cheap.  I know i'm comparing apples and oranges here but i really do believe that choosing what you drink can help ensure the future of the industry.  We few together can be many.  Okay now ranting aside this beer is awesome, yet different somehow.  I poured into my tulip glass and it's clear and golden.  "That's great!" right?  Wrong! The Leffe I remember has a nice yeast cake at the bottom that you can stir up for a cloudy yeasty beer.  I set aside my already stirred up doubts and yeast conspiracy theories for a second and just admire the beer.  It has a nice head with two fingers of bubbling foam.  I love the way the tiny bubbles race to the top of the glass as if running from Gary Busey.  It's got a definite Belgian nose, very fruity.  The first sip of this effervescent goodness brings me back to my first taste.  It's smooth and just slightly warming.  It's got a nice fruitiness and some spice on the back end.  This beer is easy to drink and light bodied.  It is aromatic and refined.  There's a slight orange and pear on warm bread mix going on.  This beer is refreshing and kind where the movie is bloody and unforgiving.
This movie actually takes a few minutes to get into the action.  It’s not until about sixteen minutes in until people start getting brutally murdered.   And the first couple murders have nothing to do with zombies!  Right off the bat I was impressed with the way that this movie is able to blend sickening gore with some real comedy.  Most of the jokes are the played out, overdone, college kid humor.  There are a couple of sex jokes that don’t’ really seem to fit.  But this movie isn’t supposed to be The Hangover it’s supposed to be Evil Dead 2 meets  Tremors, not in plot but in feel.  I appreciate over exaggerated southern jokes.  The hunters who think a good alternative to meat for vegetarians would be beaver.  The people with their mullets are dressed in overalls and camouflage.  Oh and how could I forget!  The music.  Several scenes of this movie are little ditties played by a gas station attendant then turned zombie.  I’m normally not a fan of comedic music but these are short and creative.  I like them a lot more than I thought I would.  Besides, the music makes a great transition between scenes.

This movie is over the top.  One guy gets his head chopped off and used as a puppet.  Another guy gets his head sliced in half by a drum symbol.  A drum stick to the eye sends blood soaring across the scene.  The director was definitely creative with his zombie kills.  Where I appreciate the creativity with the kill scenes I despise it in my zombies.  Before I explain the some of the wonderful gore I would like to expose some of the pitfalls of this film.

1)       Zombies don’t talk.  Never have.  Never will.  And they sure as shit don’t sing and play instruments.
2)       Zombies don’t shoot guns or use tools of any kind.
3)       Zombies don’t think, plan, or plot.
4)       Zombies eat people!  How can you have a zombie not eat people.
5)       Bites make people into zombies.  I’ll even accept that all people who die come back at zombies but having a king zombie put any piece of your body into a wooden box cause you to be a zombie.  I don’t buy it.  Fatal zombie flaw.

Knowing the above facts it would be easy for a purist to write this movie off and never give it a fair shot.  I beg you not to write this movie off.  The kill scenes start off simple.  Someone gets impaled with a rake and a hammer through their hand and skull.  As the group holds up in the Bed and Breakfast they create shotguns out of some pipe, caps, and vice grips.  It’s actually really genius how they do it.  They use these to deliver some of the most graphic and devastating headshots I’ve ever seen.  Forget the Dawn of the Dead (remake) headshots where a little blood sprays and a small chuck of skull fly off.  No we’re talking full face explosion, blood squirting out ten feet into the air type of headshots.  If the headshots weren’t enough this one guy is killed by a chainsaw coming down on the back of his neck.  It doesn’t get forced down hard and slice through.  No it sits there chugging away spraying blood everywhere.  He gets up walks around with the chainsaw still ripping through his neck.  It’s a five all day long on my gore scale. 
Some movies take themselves too seriously.  They try to hard to be funny or be scary.  This movie just does what it wants and does it very comfortably.  They even do a great job making fun of the French.  Which in my book is always good for an extra half of a zombie arm.  While i'm a total snob and zombie elitist, this movie has still found a special spot in my heart.  A certain corner saved for possessions and dancing singing zombies.  

The Beer:
Aroma – 7/10
Appearance – 5/5
Taste – 6/10
Palate – 4/5
   Overall – 16/20
Total = 38/50

The Movie:
Production – 4/5
Plot – 4/5
Gore – 5/5
Zombies – 3/5
  Overall – 4/5


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