Monday, May 9, 2011

Zombieland and Midnight Sun's Sockeye Red IPA

I had to do it despite everything i felt in my heart.  I had to review Zombieland.  It's a joke from the start.  I can't watch this without thinking "FU kid from that Facebook movie.  Nobody cares!"  And stop stealing the acting style of that kid from Superbad and Juno.  He came first and he deserves it.  Your just some nerdy copy cat.  I watched this movie at the theater the first time.  I walked out shaking my head.  I have a serious problem with the fact that 3 of the 4 survivors are kids with no training, skills, weapons, or preparation. But maybe if they put characters that would have actually survived, then the average 16 year old wouldn't have related to, watched, and then bought this movie.  It's all about money.  This movie was a cookie cutter Hollywood teen comedy with a few trendy zombies thrown in.  Whatever.  I'm going to give this a round two just to make sure.  Everybody deserves a second chance, right?
I decide to pair this pit of despair with a cold friend.  I don't normally review beers that you can't purchase across the country but this time...this time it's different.  You see in a few weeks I'm moving down to Seattle. While there are many things i will miss about Alaska undoubtedly the biggest is Midnight Sun Brewery.  This brewery is lighting Alaska on fire with it's creativity and refusal to yield to conventional styles or pubic opinion.  Hell their summer seasonal is a wheat based IIPA.  That's bad ass!!!  They make a 14.3% English style barleywine that is one of the best I've ever had.  They have an oak aged Belgian Dark Strong and Black IIPA that will blow your mind.  Their flagship beer is the Sockeye Red IPA.  It's 5.7% abv and 70 IBUs.  That's a lot of IBUs for that little alcohol.  Well it is.  It pours a clear, copper/red with a small but comforting white head.  It's a little lighter than the picture leads to believe.  It's got a real fresh grassy, resiny nose.  This is another in the long line of citrus American IPAs that I've been drinking.  But this ones different.  This one is light bodied and very drinkable without being too thin or watery.  There isn't a lot of malt backbone but that's not why I'm drinking it.  It's more hop tea than beer.  It's a special green faced kick you in the balls while you slam a couple of 22 oz bombers, type of beer.
The opening scenes play through and I'm thinking maybe i was wrong about this movie.  I love the fireman getting attacked by the guy whose on fire.  The half naked stripper chasing the guy still holding the singles was another fresh idea that made me laugh.  The zombies are pretty sweet.  The spewing black blood was awesome!  Nerdy guy's rules are stupid.  Yes they're true and in some cases a pretty funny but i can't stand the way the words are animated on the screen.  I had no idea we were going to be doing stupid shit.  Now that we've laid the ground work for the shit show lets unload. "Columbus" just annoys the piss out of me.  Woody makes this film interesting.  I like his bad ass yet realistic persona.  However, this too goes to shit when he begins his Twinkie rant.
The two girls that trick them into giving them their guns....what would have happened if Tallahassee had just shot her.  That would have really changed the film.  I mean some people would see the bite mark and it's all over.  There are huge holes in the plot and a lack of zombies in scenes where there should be some.  And when the 12 year old tries to be tough as they hold up the guys a second time.  It's just such a sad thing to watch something so stupid get such a big budget.  When they drive in downtown L.A. to get the map of the stars there really weren't that many zombies.  I also noticed there weren't a hell of a lot of ditched cars either.  There were a few in the beginning of the movie and then none in this highly populated area?  Really?  
I didn't like the smashing stuff scene at all.  I thought it was pretty cheesy.  Isn't shooting zombies blowing off steam enough.  It's not enough to chop off a zombies head with a pair of hedge trimmers.  No no, what really makes me feel better is smashing Native American art souvenirs.  Smashing a zombie face with a baseball bat......or breaking a drum?  This was silly and unnecessary.  This whole movie was like that for me.  What i hate more is how many people love this movie.  Who are these people?  They can't be true zombie fans.  Yes i'm a snob.
There was a few zombie screw ups.  Zombies can't turn door knobs, won't pick at their teeth, and CAN'T CLIMB.  This is a big thing that i normally would overlook it was a shoulder high fence but they climbed a giant amusement park ride.  Speaking of amusement parks....why, why, why, why would you turn all of the lights on to the amusement park.  They should have gotten eaten for that stupidity.  And what's the worst place to go.  The up and down ride thing.  I understand there wasn't a lot of good options at that point but there must have been something better than that.  What was the best possible scenario for that (if they hadn't gotten rescued)?  So your on the ride and you go what?  Even if you get the thing stuck up there where will you go?  They arn't going to just go away.
But there are some good parts.  This movie isn't as bad as i once thought.  Bill Murry instantly gives this movie an automatic 3 stars.  The recreation of the Ghostebusters scene was really funny.  I love his movies and his cameo saves this movie for me.  I didn't expect it when i first saw the movie.  Bill Murry...thank you.  But, from there it's on it's own.  Iwish i had better things to say about this movie.  I know i'm in the minority of people who don't like this movie but it's true.  I can't justify more than 3.5 stars on this load of poo.

The Beer:
Aroma – 7/10
Appearance – 4/5
Taste – 7/10
Palate – 4/5 
   Overall – 18/20
Total = 40/50

The Movie:
Production – 5/5
Plot – 2/5
Gore – 3/5
Zombies – 3/5
  Overall – 3.5/5


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